When did you know it was time to move LO from AL to MC?

LauraG34

I've lived far away from LO for many years. My brother and I decided it was time for her to move to AL in December and that it was best if it is near me. I tricked her into visiting and temporarily staying in a community since no one is home during the day and she would have more to do. She still thinks that it is temporary and asks when she is going home.

Spending so much time with her over the past 6 weeks has been eye-opening. She is somewhere in stage 4/5. She hasn't been able to pay bills for several years nor can she remember her medications but she knows what day it is and her address. Her recall is 3-8 minutes.

I've had a caregiver with her for the past 3 weeks to help her learn the community. She is becoming increasingly dependent on her caregiver instead of making friends. When her caregiver isn't there she texts me constantly. We can't afford the caregiver forever and I'm wondering if MC is better for her.

What triggers/behaviors mean that it's time for MC? Is it too soon to tell?

psg712

Hi. That middle stage is so hard to assess for the best care environment. Can she bathe independently, choose and don weather-appropriate clothing? Does she recognize meal times and is she able to make food choices and feed herself? Can she still participate in or enjoy group activities like word games, bingo, trips to a local mall? For safety, is she likely to leave the facility and try to go somewhere alone?

Your comment about her becoming dependent on the caregiver instead of making friends causes me to wonder about social skills. At home, did she keep in touch with friends, or was she starting to become isolated? Some will start forgetting how to use a phone. Or they simply can't participate in the give and take of a simple social conversation. These are the kinds of things that point toward memory care being the more appropriate placement. If you are relying on the caregiver for some of these things, especially safety, then memory care may be needed when the caregiver is no longer affordable.

Perhaps the idea that she is only on a temporary visit to the facility is making it harder for her to accept and settle in. Then again, if her recall is only minutes long, it may not matter what you tell her about it. Blessings to you. It's hard.

M1

Laura, I posted this on another thread but you may not have seen it, so reposting. Sounds definitely like you should discuss it with the staff:

Hi Laura, i replied to your other post also.

One concern that comes up frequently here is that by the time families consider assisted living, that ship has already sailed and what is really needed is memory care. I have to say that crossed my mind when you said that your mom would just sit all day-she may have already lost too much executive function to thrive in AL. Others also post about their LO's getting shunned by other residents if their dementia is too advanced-Senior version of Mean Girls, so to speak. So it sounds like you should definitely watch for this and reconsider her placement, if things don't improve. We also hear stories of hospitality model AL's that almost do this with a "bait and switch" method- they are so eager to fill rooms that they'll accept someone into AL with knowledge aforethought that it's not going to work, in order to move them to MC after they crash and burn.

Let's hope this doesn't happen and that she settles in. But forewarned may be forearmed.....and you should have a low threshold for recruiting help from the facility director if you need to. Keep us posted how she does.