Grandpa’s phone calls

gidget729

Hi everyone, I’m new here and seeking some advice. I have just recently learned that my grandpa has dementia. He still lives independently and I was unaware of his condition until now because my uncle didn’t tell me — all of my conversations with him had seemed normal until this weekend. For the past few days, he has been calling me and asking about my mom, who passed away a few years ago. I have been doing my best to reassure him that everything is okay and redirect the conversation, but I thought I’d seek advice here from people who have more experience with this. He thinks she has been staying at his house, and he says that sometimes he talks to her but she won’t respond. Should I gently remind him that she has passed, or simply reassure him that he doesn’t need to worry? I don’t want to upset him since I’m not there in person to comfort him. I do plan to visit him as often as possible, and my uncle is trying to get him in with a neurologist again soon so he can decide whether he is at the stage where we should consider more advanced care. Apparently he has been asking my uncle about my mom since last summer, but aside from seeing my mom and sometimes his wife who also passed away, he is able to carry on with his daily activities at this point (doesn’t get lost or forget to take his medications, etc). I’m not involved with coordinating his care, but I want to make sure I’m doing anything I can not to confuse him and to support him from afar. Grateful for any guidance this community can provide!

trottingalong

I would suggest not telling your grandpa that your mother has passed. It has the potential to upset him at the moment, or even to question what you are telling him. In addition, there is the likelihood he will not remember you telling him she passed by the next day. It’s a vicious cycle. Fibbing or redirecting tends to be easier on the person suffering with dementia.

mommyandme (m&m)

Welcome to the forum, sorry for your grandpas diagnosis though. You may find more responses in Caregiver general, this thread doesn’t get as much traffic.

With your grandpa presenting with delusions, I wonder if he’s farther along and needs supervision now. Also, sometimes a sudden decline may be pointing to another issue like an infection or even constipation. A “silent” UTI often creates havoc for caregivers because there may be no symptoms other than increased confusion, agitation and/or more problems with ambulation. If there is a sudden decline he might need a visit with his PCP to get some essay tests. I assume your uncle is living near by and keeping track of his hygiene and food prep? I hope your grandpa is being overseen to make sure he’s safe alone at home. Cameras are a great way to supervise when the patient is alone. You may want to visit soon as possible to get a good view of their goings on.

As far as talking to your grandpa about his diagnosis, probably won’t be very affective and may create sadness or even anger. Most of the folks who’ve been on this journey for a bit don’t do it. For me, there came a time my mom didn’t know what Alzheimer’s or dementia was and she was an RN and got herself diagnosed. No need to discuss it at that point. I know denying his wifes and daughters deaths or ignoring his comments or changing the subject can be trying and depressing but it’s probably best, for your grandpa.

Im sorry for this heartbreak and for your losses, so many with being so young. Thanks for sharing, keep coming back. Again, you may receive more responses on the Caring in General section.