Online counseling for caregiver support and those dealing with a hoarder?

acdaughter

Hi all, new to the forum and appreciate that its here. Does anyone know of an online counselor for caregiver of family support - especially those dealing with lifelong hoarders? I prefer online/virtual sessions and timezone is not a concern. My Mom (72) has Alzheimers and I am her POA, Guardian and Trustee. She is highly active/functional but I'm noticing what feels like the beginning of Stage 5 in regards to self sufficiency. She is married and at present her husband (76) is her daily care giver. I go stay with them 1 week per month to give him some respite and both of them company. I live about 4 hours away. While I am not the one dealing with her daily, I am the only realistic/responsible one of our group. I'm being met with more resistance than I had anticipated in regards to maintaining a normal and SAFE standard of living - mostly to do with cleaning and hoarding behaviors. I'd love to chat with a counselor, rather than unload on friends/partner/other family members when they ask "how's your mom"? I'd also hope the counselor could give me some good pointers on how to get my stepdad to accept help/new ideas and not be scared of "being the bad guy".

M1

Welcome to the forum. I can't answer the question you asked, but it sounds like they both may need more support. Does anyone hold POA for your stepdad? That may be the key to this situation. Perhaps he is beginning to have trouble coping too or cognitive difficulties of his own? I'm sorry you find yourself in this position, caregiving from long distance is quite difficult.

I hope someone else can answer your original question.

JeriLynn66

Does your health plan offer virtual mental health visits?

mommyandme (m&m)

I too was going to ask if your medical insurance carrier offers virtual visits. The only one I’ve heard about is Doctor On Demand. I’ve not used it but our insurance carrier passed it along in the resources they provide.

oh yes, welcome to this forum from me too.

H1235

I have a mom who is a hoarder also. It’s so difficult. I tried to get help for my mom for years and doctors just brushed me off. At this point it’s too late for her to get help the dementia would make it impossible. I think hoarding is a much more common problem than realized and in my experience virtually ignored. I wish I knew where to go for help. Mom’s obsession over not wanting to leave her stuff adds a whole new twist to the dementia nightmare. As far as your dad, what about an online class about dementia, or reading materials you could print out for him. If someone (other than you) were to tell him “this is not safe” you need to do this… maybe that would help. What about a consultant that might come into the home and give advice. But I know my mom would never allow that so maybe not. With hoarding tripping hazards are often a problem, is this something that might be brought to family doctor’s attention (carefully and tactfully with out causing problems with her husband) maybe in an email. I wish you luck!

Anonymousjpl123

My friend is coping with a parent who is a hoarder. Her LO doesn’t have Alzheimer’s but has medical issues that require 24 hour live in help; in part because of the hoarding. She hasn’t made much progress. She does what she can - NEVER is she the one to help her LO clean (too triggering for both of them) but the care givers they have found have better luck.

My thought is having outside help - especially a psychiatrist or social worker - may help. You could tell your mom it’s a check up for medical issues.

The LAST resort, and only if you feel she’s unsafe, is you or someone else calling adult protective services anonymously. This takes the pressure off you.

Lastly, I don’t know or specific support groups but I do know friends with parents with these types of issues have found help in Al-Anon. I hope this helps a little: it’s not easy,

acdaughter

Thanks Everyone for the support and kind suggestions. I've made my first appointment with an virtual doc through my insurance company (BCBS partners with Teledoc).

As for my stepdad... he's mentally and physically very healthy but quite resistant to change or professional help (unless its the kind that benefits him --> housecleaner). I've already pitched having an aid or social worker come do a house call but he knows it will make mom angry. I'm hoping that by setting a good example, he will seek out a professional to talk to.

Another twist to my situation - my mom was a therapist and social worker for over 45 years. She worked in psychiatry and even specialized with Alzheimers and Dementia patients for 8 years. Thats where she and my stepdad met, working at the Assisted Living unit where she was a the activities director. She wrote the first activities based therapies day-program for adults in NC. She knows all the tricks! Therapy speak or any tools related to her former profession when directed at her is a HUGE trigger for emotional outbursts.

LOL. sigh *Shakes fist at sky.* I know its not really funny but if I'm not laughing at the irony, then I'll be crying.

mommyandme (m&m)

“LOL. sigh *Shakes fist at sky.* I know its not really funny but if I'm not laughing at the irony, then I'll be crying.”

Keep the humor in all this, it is so helpful. 😅

JDancer

My father was a hoarder. After our mother passed, my sister and I would use our dad's (medical) inpatient hospital stays to clean and declutter. No discussion, we'd just do it. When the house looked particularly messy, we'd say, "looks like dad's due for another surgery..."