Another outburst...doctor suggests new drug...MC

mrahope

I am just sharing because it helps me to get this off my chest. My DH had another outburst on Thursday night which was truly frightening. My one interest that takes me out of the house is rehearsal for a musical group I belong to, which happens each Thursday evening. Since myself, my DDIL and DS are all a bit afraid of what he might do if left alone for over two hours, my DS usually comes over when I go to rehearsal. It's the ONLY thing that I can do by myself now. Lately, DH protests that he "doesn't want to be babysat" and he "wants to be alone". Is this a complaint many of you have heard from your PWDs?

This time, I didn't tell DH until I was about to leave, as the previous 3 times he'd protested (once so much that DS didn't come and I didn't get to go). When I told him I was going he exploded in rage and told me he didn't want DS to come, and he "didn't like that you told me I couldn't drive" (more than a year ago after neuro said to). He threw a book on the floor and screamed that I should tell DS not to come. I told him that he could tell DS himself, and then I left, seeing DS coming into the driveway. I was really scared to come home. Am I just being overly concerned?

There's much more, but suffice it to say that DS sent a message to the geriatric doc we'd seen about a week ago. This doc is saying we might try Abilify for the rages. Anyone have their LO use this? Also, MC may have a spot for him in a week or two. Not sure how this will/would factor into all this. Any thoughts on all this? I'm literally terrified at what it might take to physically get him into the door at MC.

Thanks for "listening" everyone.

M1

Abilify is in the same family of antipsychotics as the older drugs Seroquel and risperidone. Might be worth a try. I still worry that he needs to be stable before you transfer him to memory care or you may have a disaster in the making. Have you discussed hospitalization with this new doc?

Phoenix1966

I think @M1 is right that you are going to want DH stabilized before memory care placement.

One scenario to consider is the next time he is in a rage, call 911 and have him transported to the ER and(ideally) a geripsych stay where they can properly medicate him for the anger issues. From there, you can have him transported to MC.

mrahope

Thanks so much for your replies. I'm going to ask about how long it will take to see results if we try this drug and whether it is safer for DH to be in a hospital setting as he has previous heart bypass/heart attacks as well as asthma. Hate that I almost have no other choice than to involve the medical and legal authorities, as it seems so traumatic.

Phoenix1966

@mrahope I’m sorry this is so hard on you. In my case, I think my mother and I could have continued to care for my grandmother in her home if her PCP had been willing to add additional medication to deal with her anxiety, anger and sundowning. But he was resistant to even giving her an official diagnosis of “dementia” while still prescribing aricept and meds for her Afib(he actually said that the testing for dementia would be too hard on her, so he was going to go ahead and “treat her as though she had dementia” even though he knew I needed an official diagnosis for my particular DPOA to kick in). If he had been more amenable to trying medication, who knows what would have happened?

But late one evening, my grandmother had a hallucination that we couldn’t redirect her from. One quick call to 911 later where I explained that she suffered from dementia, was in a highly agitated state because she thought men had broken into the house(but I clearly assured 911 we were all safe and there were no threats of any kind, including from her) and needed to be seen in the ER and emergency services were sent. In a few minutes, she was on her way to the hospital. From there, I told the staff that there was no safe discharge plan in place and she needed to be admitted. They admitted her, the staff gave the official dementia diagnosis and got her on a cocktail of meds that helped with her anger and delusions to a degree. It was also very easy for me(no angry or confused discussions involving her; just the lie that she was getting transferred to a fancy rehab facility “for a while”)to get her transferred directly from the hospital to the MC facility where I had secured placement.

Things had been so fraught at her home prior to all of this, between 24/7 caregiving and a PCP who was a hinderance every step of the way. I hope your PCP can help you more. But, for me, that emergency hospital admission paved the way to getting my grandmother the best care that I could provide her.

JeriLynn66

@mrahope I can feel your care and concern. Also, your fears. @M1 is so very spot on. Your loved one needs hospitalization to deal with these outbursts of behaviour.

If not, he will not willingly "go" to memory care or placement. And any placement will most likely fail.

You have "hinted" that things are much worse than you have shared.

Your safety is important. But so is his. He is unable to control his emotions, fears, anger or frustrations. Sadly, that's all up to you. You are NOT protecting him with inaction. His brain is not functioning normally. it's broken and he cannot help that or recover.

It's sadly up to you now.

I know it's hard to accept and believe. But you're there now. It's time. Keep yourself and your most beloved safe. Don't think about how it looks to others. Don't think about " maybe it will get better". It won't.

You will both be better served and safe with firm action on your part. I truly don't mean to be so blunt or seem uncaring. We come here for support and advice. This is mine.

And you're in my prayers for strength for the journey.

mrahope

Thanks again, everyone. My DS talked with the geriatric doctor yesterday. The doctor concurred with our family's assessment that this is the time for placement. However, the geriatric doctor (upon being told of DH's previously existing heart issues, including bypass) decided not to begin the Abilify until seeing the effects of the Lexapro that was previously prescribed. DH is only beginning the full dose this week. We were told it might take some weeks for any effect to be noted.

Meanwhile, DH's PCP has refused to fill out the cognitive portion of the form that the MC needs for admission. He filled out the medical portion (after much persuasion by the MC staff) but it still requires some corrections, which he hasn't made over the last two weeks despite repeated requests by MC staff. I have no understanding of why. The geriatric doc has agreed to complete the cognitive portion of the form and has said he could do it quickly. We've been told a bed for DH will be open in a week or two.

I am just kinda thinking I'm not sure what the next thing will be.

Edu-K8-

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68802/another-outburst-doctor-suggests-new-drug-mc

Please click on my name to see how we dealt with my FIL in a very similar situation. We admitted him on March 4 bc we were afraid he would harm or kill my MIL.

Hang in there and please update us

mrahope

Hi, @Edu-K8- . Thanks for sharing your story. As you may have seen in another post, DH was admitted this week. I think my DDIL could probably have written a similar post to yours in the weeks leading up to his admission. I feel much less alone.