Dad will not acknowledge anything from the doctor

jaethai06

Hello,

I am 37 years old, and I am trying to navigate this awful disease with my father.We are based out of California. He is 72, and he has put himself into a lot of danger (financially and physically). Some of our neighbors have called APS on him, but the neurologist says he is fully capable of making his own decisions.

I am trying to decide whether it is worth it to move forward with even the neurologist declaring that he’s capable of being on his own. He listens to all kinds of scam artists (he lost about 700,000 dollars), fell off a ladder and got his front shins cut with infections, can’t recall anything short term really. His doctors have informed him of his dementia-Alzheimer’s and he says that is not correct.

APS only suggested that if I want to change anything, it is going with an elderly care attorney.

He is putting himself in further danger, and the doctors told me there’s not much else I can do. How does this all work??? Or do I just have a lost cause?

M1

Welcome to the forum but so sorry for your struggles. No its not a lost cause. You need to talk to a certified elder law attorney as soon as possible (look for lists by location at nelf.org). You may need to pursue guardianship if he won't give you power of attorney, but see what the lawyer says. Document as much of his behaviors as you can.

Your dad has anosognosia- a feature of the illness that prevents him from being able to appreciate his deficits.

I would also find a different neurologist. What you're being told by this jerk is BS.

mab323

The neurologist's guidance is crap. Get a second opinion. You do have options and you can help him in many ways. Ask on this site or see of ALZConnected has a referral system for a doctor in his area. Contact AARP for referrals. You may have to schedule medical appointments in chunks so that you can attend his appointments with him. My Dad has been saying he's fine for years and we all shake our heads...now that we have the diagnosis, we will go about doing the business that needs to be done to put care in place for him and give him his independence where we can. It's a journey.

atl86

Run, don't walk to get what you need in place to protect your father's wellbeing (physical, mental and financial). Expect him to be resistant and maybe even hostile toward you. It helped me to recognize that my parent's reaction was a normal one. I might react in a similar manner if I was being forced to give up some of my independence, especially if I was in denial of my cognitive decline. Hang in there and take it one step at a time.

Bryahsmom2005

I have the same issue with my father with spam and scam callers. I have placed his phone number on the Do not call Registry. This will not stop all the scammers however it will block some of them.
You can register your numbers on the national Do Not Call list at no cost by calling 1-888-382-1222 (voice) or 1-866-290-4236 (TTY).

You can call the number above and place your Dads telephone number under this. My Dad still receives the scammer calls but not as much. The ones that get through I block through his carrier or use the block feature on his land line. Also you can report those who scam on the elderly to the FBI and report the scam.
https://www.ic3.gov/Home/EF

H1235

When you get an appointment with a different doctor it might help to send the doctor a detailed note before the appointment with all the problems you are seeing. Bringing thing up in front of your father will probably cause problems. If her refuses to allow you to go in with him or have hippa rights, you can still provide the doctor with information, the doctor just won’t be able to talk with you about him. Not ideal but maybe something. If you already have a durable power of attorney that would be great! You have a rough road ahead of you. The people here have been through a lot and are alway willing to listen and give advice. It’s a great resource.

Jackie_K

Ugh, this is so awful. I am so sorry you are going through this @jaethai06 ! Not only is this not a lost cause - this is sadly also more common than you think. My mom has fallen prey to so many scams, and my siblings and I have had one hell of a time getting her to get tested or accept any kind of medical help (it is still an uphill battle sometimes, honestly).

That being said, getting the right doctor in place and a power of attorney on file makes all the difference. I would echo what everyone else said - get a new neurologist and talk to a CELA ASAP. Things became a lot easier for us when we developed a good relationship with her doctor and got a durable power of attorney in place. This took some time but it is definitely not a lost cause! Keep coming back here for advice and support and keep us posted!