Suspected Alzheimer’s/dementia

jlarsen

My mom is 57. She is forgetting the answers to questions five minutes after they’re answered and forgetting what store we bought something at when we were there the day before. She didn’t remember making a decision about travel plans until I reminded her of the decision and told her why. She feels like it’s nothing. I’m worried about it. I’d like her to seek assessment by a neurologist but so far, she is refusing, saying it’s nothing, it’s not as bad as grandma had it, it’s part of getting older, it’s not covered by insurance, etc.
are these kinds of memory lapses normal for someone her age? If not, how can I get her to go to the neurologist? I’ve offered to pay. I told her there’s no harm in getting assessed, etc.
I’m moving to the UK in two weeks and I’m worried about her.

H1235

I would suggest trying to get her to a CELA to get legal matters covered. A durable power of attorney and a medical power of attorney are very important. Is there another family or friend that could step into these roles since you will be leaving the country? Suggesting it as just something that should be done as a way to prepare for whatever the future holds, might be a good approach. There are some treatable things that should be ruled out, so a doctor visit is important. If it is dementia I would think she is probably in the early stages. This is a great staging tool. https://tala.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Tam-Cummings-LLC-Handouts.pdf

At this early stage I’m really not sure how to get her to the doctor. In middle and later stages people often use therapeutic fib. Making up a story. An inability to recognize symptoms is very common with dementia, but I think that’s more common in middle stage and beyond. I wish you luck

M1

You are right to be worried. Family almost always becomes aware first, and she probably has anosognosia- can't appreciate that anything is wrong.

I'd be very concerned about leaving things at loose ends if this is a permanent move for you. Do you have siblings or other family members who can step in? It's going to be very hard to monitor the situation long distance, and she is almost certainly going to tell you she is fine. You do need to have a plan for legal and medical matters, and two weeks is not much time to make that happen.

jlarsen

> @M1 said:
> You are right to be worried. Family almost always becomes aware first, and she probably has anosognosia- can't appreciate that anything is wrong.
> I'd be very concerned about leaving things at loose ends if this is a permanent move for you. Do you have siblings or other family members who can step in? It's going to be very hard to monitor the situation long distance, and she is almost certainly going to tell you she is fine. You do need to have a plan for legal and medical matters, and two weeks is not much time to make that happen.

I don’t have anyone really. My parents were married 19 years but due to some bad decisions my dad made, they’re going through divorce right now and I don’t have siblings. I’m touring a 55+ community with her tomorrow and if she moves in there, she will make friends and have a network but idk what else to do. I’ll be coming home for 3 weeks at a time every four months or so but I feel like it’s all falling on me and I don’t know what to do.

towhee

Hello, jlarsen, welcome to the forum. Take a breath, there is a good chance this is not Alzheimers. One, your mom is under 65, so that makes it less likely, not impossible, especially if you have a family history of early alzheimers, but less likely. Two, your mom is undergoing a divorce and other major life changes. Stress must be her middle name right now. Depression is also quite possible at the moment. She might not be eating, or drinking adequate water or otherwise taking care of herself.
All these things can have memory problems as a symptom. If her insurance will spring to a regular doctor visit that would be a good thing, if she would let you meet the doctor briefly and make sure you are on the office paperwork as an emergency contact that would be good, if not maybe a brief note to the doctor before your moms visit detailing your concerns.

If she has siblings or other relatives she is close to, neighbors, coworkers, other friends, you could reach out to them and ask them to check in on her.

It would be a good idea for both of you to get a power of attorney and health care power of attorney. Any lawyer can do those and they can do most of it online if necessary.

Your mother is possibly using expense as an excuse just because she has a hard time doing anything right now. Destress a little yourself and remember, you will be back in 4 months and you can plan ahead of your trip.

jlarsen

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/209184#Comment_209184

thank you. This is very helpful.