Decisions have to be made…

jaethai06

I finally got the official paperwork with the diagnosis with my father’s dementia being official.

He has signed Medical POA, and Durable POA. He probably won’t remember any of it, despite it being notarized and all. Adult Protection Services along with the doctor says he is fully capable of making his own decisions.

He received an official court date for another lawsuit. He wants to go to trial. My attorney has said if he goes to trial, he will lose about 200-250k. Bad decisions keep on progressing…

My stress/brain is literally melting. I have my CELA, however I am just nervous for this to begin.

I keep going back and forth. Do I pursue this? Do I just let him take the wheel and have his own demise? Once I open Pandora’s box, there’s no going back.

H1235

I feel like we need a bit more information. What are you pursuing? Does he live alone? Is he driving? Is he still paying his own bills? What stage is he in? If he is probably going to forget he signed POA then why is he remembering to continue with this lawsuit? It’s my understanding that the DPOA allows you to act on his behalf but does not stop him from being able to act for himself. My mom’s lawyer made a point of telling her she could still make decisions for herself. To take that right away would mean guardianship. On the other hand I think you do have an obligation to protect him from himself. How much is he depending on you to follow through with the lawsuit. For example are you driving him to meet his lawyer, helping him keep track of paperwork, finding the phone number for him to call the lawyer? If you are doing any of these I would stop. My mom would have made bad spending choices (on a much smaller scale), but we took those options away. I have her credit card, we don’t take her to the bank…. Can you intercept mail (regarding the lawsuit) before he sees it. Could it be if it’s not brought up he just forgets about it? As his DPOA you may be able to talk with his lawyer and stop the lawsuit ( if he gave you that kind of legal power). Block the lawyers phone callers on his phone. Of course he could call the lawyer and hire him again, but maybe the lawyer would think twice about it. Does his lawyer know he has been diagnosed with dementia? Would that information cause him to reconsider the moral and ethical decision to have a PWD as a client. Get all the paperwork regarding the lawsuit out of his house. My personal feeling is just because the law says he has the right doesn’t mean you have to allow it to happen. A PWD is vulnerable to greedy lawyers, but also to you. But you can take advantage of that vulnerability in a good way by not giving him the aide he needs to make these bad decisions. I hope there is something here that might help.

jaethai06

I am debating to go into pursing financial guardianship. My Dad does not pay his own bills, I have to make sure a lot of them are paid. He can’t remember all of them (besides the very basic) ‘cause he owns a business, therefore there’s a lot of paperwork/bills/etc accounted for. He stays inside the store 14-16 hours a day not remembering his own inventory, his customers or his bills. He does live on his own, but he rarely drives.

This is his 8th lawsuit, in the last 9 years. He has been sued for non-building compliancy 3x (same issues over and over), not complying with liquor license (he didn’t read it correctly when he bought it and blamed his broker). His lawyer is his friend knows that he has dementia, and is encouraging to go with the lawsuit because he feeds him the wrong information.

This same friend told him he knew how to handle his divorce. He didn’t, delayed his divorce another year and cost his another 75k.

When Adult Protection Services came into play, they contacted his neurologist. The neurologist said that was fully capable of making his own decisions, and nothing further needed to be investigated. APS said there was nothing further to pursue ‘cause the doctor approved his own decision making, etc.

Currently, he depends on me a lot for all his issues when he creates them himself. I am very tired of all this cause they were all avoidable issues. Now, his new friend/attorney encourages all that manic behavior and profits off of it.

This last lawsuit is quite the final straw and financially be the nail in the coffin, along with his health. If he loses, he will be at 200-250k if he loses. We both need to make an appearance at court, unfortunately.

SeattleChrista

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69309/decisions-have-to-be-made

My understanding is that it’s very difficult to get guardian or conservatorship, even with paperwork backing it up. My sister and I have been working with my parents off books, so to speak, trying to resolve issues as the arise but it’s overwhelming. We’ve been working with them for years to take steps in financial planning. We have POA but that does not give financial control. What I will not do is spend my retirement savings to support their poor financial decisions. Even with ALZ, there’s culpability in financial planning or lack thereof.

M1

Something about this doesn't sound right. You have power of attorney? Who called APS? why is he still working if you have POA?

jaethai06

It is a durable POA, and the neighbors called APS cause they saw him fall off the ladder about 7-8 feet. On top of that falling, he had an infection he didn’t tell me about until a week later. Lots of customers/neighbors know that something is wrong with him, but he will not admit that anything is wrong. He wants to work, and the doctors says he is still able to. They see no reason why he can’t still work.

M1

Read other threads here. If you have durable power of attorney, you not only have the right but the obligation to act in his best interest, for both physical and financial safety. You may need to get your own legal counsel, but this just doesn't sound right. There was another thread recently about a family needing to make decisions for their 98 year old aunt but not wanting to anger her. You just need to do what you have to do, especially if this lawyer friend is bilking him. You have the authority. You can't let him continue to drive the bus until the wheels come off.