Need some word tracks

cgrubb78

My Mom has been in MC for about 5 weeks. She’s not happy to be there but is slowly settling in. I live 6 hours away so most of my interactions with her are over the phone. I struggle with coming up with good answers to the same questions she asks me over and over again. “How long do I have to be here”? “Who do I talk to about getting out of here”? I try to stay vague and say things like “I’ll have to look into that” or “I’ll have to do some research and find out”. I’m not sure if those are the best responses because they’re leaving open the possibility that she could get out. Any suggestions for better responses? And any advice for redirecting someone over the phone? Most of what I read about redirecting applies more to in-person situations.

TIA

harshedbuzz

@cgrubb78

I think you're handling it well. Especially as you aren't local.

Are you the POA or is someone else making these decisions? Asking, because if it's just you, it might make sense to move her nearer where you are.

If she's got a spouse or someone else in that role, I would ask what story they're using for her to be in the MCF for the sake of consistency. We told dad his doctor wanted him to get rehab. This allowed us to validate his desire to come home while not having control over the timeline. Over time, he stopped asking.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's very hard to converse with PWD even when they still have relatively intact speech and language skills.

HB

dlomba1823

I agree with @cgrubb78 and good advice. I am an 8 hour drive away, so when I needed to make the decision for my Mom to go to MC-(I was the POA and only responsible family member) it was hard, but hardest was that even when all agreed Mom couldn't live alone, my brother, aunt and my Mom's influential friend all thought she could go home and someone could come take care of her - also that there had to be a better MC facility and they contacted me with all their complaints- or amplified my Mom's to me. Looking back they made the whole experience much worse for me and my Mom as none of them really saw the hallucinations or other behaviors as my Mom could be good for hours and then completely change. BEST advice it to make sure everyone is using the same response and are consistent.. For me it was that the doctors were doing an assessment that would be 8-12 weeks and with medication adjustments 24/7 care was needed. I once did tell my Mom she was not going to be able to living alone again, but then was told that wasn't a good thing to say as to stop their hope and they will sometimes remember the oddest things and lash our later that you said something. Along those lines- once I did have better information about my Mom- I found a better MC facility- and yes the move wasn't easy on my Mom, but I am much happier with the location, staff and facility itself and I would not have known that if I didn't have my Mom cared for at the first MC center. You will learn as you go, Good luck to you and you are doing the best you can.