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involvedDIL

Hi to all of you. I just stumbled onto this site. I don't know if it's normal to have a dramatic turn in abilities or memory or if it comes and goes quickly? My FIL started down this road last December. He has bouts of not knowing how old he is. He's 77 and he thinks he is 20 then 30 then 50. He has always worked right up to when he was hospitalized. One day he will be really good then the next he is hallucinating with animals running around in his room. He can be talking to you normally and then you will see his head turn like he is looking at something. I ask what he is looking at? Oh those sheep are rough housing again it's because it's raining in the room. Then a week later he can be perfectly normal. Then back to hallucinating and not having a clue how old he is or reality again. He is in a nursing home which is the best place for him. My emotional transmission is about tore out. I prepare myself that he will be in the delusional state until his life is over but then he starts putting things together again. I guess I get hopeful that it was just a small dip. Today he was ducking because the chopper was flying through his room. He wants a job. He wants to earn money. He doesn't want to listen to the radio or watch TV. He refuses to engage in any activities. He will sit in his room alone in silence for weeks. I go to visit him almost everyday. He knows who I am and calls me by name. He also thanks me for coming to see him every time I go. I was talking to the nurse today and I asked his about a sensory blanket.? He said I think that would be to easy for him he wants to work. He gave him a bunch of socks and wash clothes to fold and he said it helped soothe him. He recommended that I get some second hand store clothes basket of things for him to fold so he could feel accomplished at a task. He also gets very upset thinking people are stealing from him. He has marked all of his clothes with huge initials all over the front of his clothes. I am almost afraid to give him the extra things because if he thinks they disappeared he will more then likely get violent. If anybody has any similar experiences or has any ideas on how to help him calm his delusions, anxiety, or aggression it would be much appreciated.

Anonymousjpl123

Hi @involvedDIL i am sorry you are going through this but glad you found this place. Lots of good solid advice from people who have been there. My mom with dementia experienced something similar at points: some days were just much better than others. It made it hard and confusing because on her good days, I wanted to give her things to do, have more activities, help give life meaning. Then on bad days it was like I was dealing with a totally different person with different needs.

I think it’s great they give him socks to fold. PWD love folding clothes, I’m not sure why. Are there things that used to relax him? Football games? Other sports? I find keeping things really simple is best. Also, we think it’s so bad they don’t want to do anything, but maybe it’s ok. Is he able to talk with others? You mention work - does he like gardening? Tools? Maybe let him have a small project like easy model airplanes or something. Just so he has things in his hands.

Clothes at these places do seem to be somewhat communal. Maybe limit to fewer things, that he really likes, so they are easier to keep track of.

Mostly what I realize is we worry far more about their lack of engagement than they do. It sounds like he’s in an ok place.

SusanB-dil

I agree - it sounds like he is doing ok. and yes, that is not so unusual that some days will be better than others. I also agree with anonymousjpl that I think lack of engagement bothers us more than them. MIL doesn't engage much, but it really seems that she is ok with that. Actually, thank you @Anonymousjpl123 , I hadn't quite thought of it that way before. and yes, lack of interest in former activities is not unusual.

MIL has alz and vascular (the most common of a dual diagnosis), so occasionally she will have a TIA (mini-stroke). With vascular, she will plateau for a while, then maybe have a TIA and take 2 steps down. When she comes back around, she may take a half a step back up, or even back to baseline of the week prior. So we see the up-and-down too often.

Emily 123

Hi involvedDIL,

It might be worth asking to discuss his behaviors with his providers. They may be able to adjust his meds so he isn't so on edge and hallucinating so much. If this seems fairly sudden and new you might want them to rule out a UTI.

I think what you're doing to keep him busy sounds good. One of the ladies at my mom's facility brings in a box of different colored clothespins for them to sort. My mom used to sew, and I brought her thread box in for her to put in order.