How to handle angry people?

Doulton

I am 74 and have been married for 52 years. I have been slowly declining since 2020. I was happy that I maintained an abiliity to craft a sentence.

I have a husband, 74, and two sons, 50 and 48. THe 50 year old is very kind and generous. My husband keeps complaining because I talk too much. My 48 year old son thinks I am running a scam. He screams at me. My two younger sisters, ages 69 and 67, believe that I am a grifter.

I know I am in decline. I have to avoid most members of my family. They have a new-found hatred for me that has me frantic to transcend the past and just not deal with them. My sister, 69., sends me a daily letter complaining that she sent me two precious Victorian boook a few years back and my ingratitude has been incomprehensible to her. I have, however, supported her by just giveing her about $1000 a year to supplement her income. This has been going on for 20 years or so.

My biggest problem is my husband is losing his tolerence. Yesterday he screamed at me. He said that I had reminded him of the football games about 8 times that day. I do think I mentioned them because I knew he was excited and I was trying to share his excitement. But when he gets pissed off at me he calls me stupid, dumb, and last night he seemed very sarcastic and savage and said that I had talked about the games too much.

I don't know what to do. My friends are all dead. I used to have friends! I am really not a monster and I am going to try to be silent

My husband and I have agreed we will not seek nursing homes or other costly ventures so we can leave our home to our older son, who has done so much for us.

I just feel so mortified being me. Now my husband says he is more demented than I am and I have no way of telling me how honest his concerns are or if he's just parrotting me.

I feel useless, cursed, attaccked, and all because I no longer can schmooze the precise way they want to hear.

Thank you for any insight or advice you can give. I do have a dementia doula but I have been too embarrassed to mention how angry my husband can get.

marionwilhelm

I am sorry. You do seem to have a lot going on. If I am reading correctly you are willing to sacrifice a safe environment for both you & your husband to will/gift your house to a child? Does that child know this? Is he okay with you skimping on yourself to leave him this gift?

I am sorry you are struggling but absolutely tell your doula about your husband., too. She needs to understand your complete environment. She/he maight be able to help you get your home/family sorted out so that you & your husband are safe & provided for.

Good luck, stay safe, talk to your doula &/or health care provider. By the way, your letter was well written.👍🏼

Doulton

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233718#Comment_233718

Thank you so much. I appreciate it. I was an English professor for about 40 years and my career was based on a lot of writing, lecturing, grading, and working with words. I have published a couple of books, one was the Book of the Month Club selection (A long time ago).

On the other hand, I can't tell you what happened 5 minutes ago. I don't know what my 50 year old son knows. He knows that we want him to have the house and the mortage witll be totally paid off in 11 months. He works from home and does a lot of the heavy lifting—-garbage, recycling, cooking, kitty litter. Because my husband and I are both in physical pain all the time.

smarie

Sounds like no one has patience in the family. How frustrating. For one, don't stop talking. Not sure if you have researched but look into detoxing your brain. Sounds silly but if you don't have TikTok get it and search for it. You will find people who are reversing early dementia. #1 Eliminate as much sugar in your body. It will take away all the aches and pains as well. Your body and mind have too much inflammation. Not sure what to do about your sisters. You need a meeting so you can work together going forward, this isn't helping anyone. And you kind kid that you want to leave the house to....I certainly hope he's the one helping you now, he can help you live in your home longer. Try to live at home as long as you possibly can, but research where you might want to go in the meantime and get on a waiting list if needed. Good luck, you got this! And you are diffidently worthy!