Moving parents from home to IL/AL

SwellGirl

Both parents have ALZ diagnosis and currently live independently with support from a 2x/week care giver and daily support from sibling living nearby. Their needs are increasing and we want to move them to an IL w/cont home health aide support. The place has AL (currently no openings) but no MC. The mom is very resistant to a move, becomes very agitated, etc. We feel the IL will be a good next step to get them out of their home. We have looked at CCRCs but were told if they don't have an open bed, in the future, we might need to separate our parents. Recommendations on taking the first step? How have handled a parent that does NOT want to move?

H1235

We told mom the doctor said it was not safe for her to be home alone any longer. Which was true. We took her to see the AL that I picked out. She told me she wasn’t sure if that is what she wanted to do. Since the anosognosia had made her unaware of her symptoms we couldn’t let her make the decision. I signed all the paperwork and we told her she when she would be moving in. She was not happy. I was so afraid she would physically refuse to go. She demanded to be in charge of all the packing and preparation for the move. The actual move was a disaster. She expected to bring everything. She has an unhealthy attachment to all her things! She even packed cupcake papers. Most boxes were left behind and I unpacked and went through them later. A year later and she is not as angry but still doesn’t understand why she needs to be there. I really can’t picture how I could have done this without her being angry with me. We are trying to figure out medication for the anger, but it takes time to find the right medication and dose. She is content in AL and enjoys socializing with others. The move was without question what was best for her.

Moving a person with dementia is tough and can cause a decline (sometimes only temporarily). I would try to limit the number of moves they will have to go through as much as possible. Have you talked with her doctor about medication? As I said it can take a while to figure it out. Could you say that the move is for your dad and it is what he needs? Maybe she would do it for him. Some here have taken their lo to lunch while other family members move everything. After lunch they bring their loved ones to their new apartment. My sibling would have never gone for this and I think mom would have been even more angry with this (although I think it would have been much easier for me). Every family and situation is different. I hope you can find a solution that works, but keep in mind there might not be a solution that she will be happy with. Dementia stinks!