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New here. Overwhelmed

wordsmithJen
wordsmithJen Member Posts: 4
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I’m caring for my dad, 84. He’s at home. Still able to walk, bathe, use the bathroom and dress by himself. He gets so depressed, though. Just hangs his head almost to his chest. He often thinks we are at a home that looks like his, but it isn’t. He is getting more and more assertive when talking to me.

I just needed to tell someone who understands.

Comments

  • Ms Meg
    Ms Meg Member Posts: 4
    5 Care Reactions First Comment
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    I completely understand the helplessness of wanting to help your parent when they are overwhelmed by changes. My Dad is 94, has dementia and has been in the same place as your Dad. One of the things that helped us was looking at old pictures. My Dad liked cars, so I got a book of old cars, mostly pictures, not a lot of reading. He loved reminiscing about cars he had, or his parents had. Sometimes I would mention something about his job and he would talk forever about it. People with dementia have short term memory issues and struggling to remember current events, places and things made him anxious, confused and upset. I also learned from a very wise friend who had been her father's caretaker and lived with his dementia, was never correct him when he says something that's not entirely correct. It only makes them feel worse. If its not something that causes harm, then dont be concerned with trying to make him remember it correctly. If my Dad commented on the yellow sky and blue sun, well then, it was the most beautiful blue sun and yellow sky we'd ever seen! Hang in there!
  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 792
    250 Likes 500 Comments 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Care Reactions
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    Have you talked with his doctor about medication? Many say I don’t want my lo to be a zombie. The right medication will not turn him to a zombie. I also agree with ms Meg. Rule number 1- the person with dementia is always right. Correcting or trying to reason with them is never going to work out well. I know first hand this is easier said than done, but I try.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,926
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Likes 2500 Comments 500 Care Reactions
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    @wordsmithJen

    It sounds like time to ask about medication.

    By "assertive" do you mean he's coming off as irritable or agitated? Depression, especially in men, can look like edginess or even anger. Medication could help dial that back.

    PWD are no longer able to initiate and maintain activities that entertain them. Your dad might benefit from a day program for PWD that offers structure, socialization and failure-free activities.

    HB

  • Regina312
    Regina312 Member Posts: 16
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Comments
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    I am so sorry you are struggling with this, but you are not alone when visiting this site. We all are going through it or have already been there. My Mom passed 10 years ago from this horrific disease. It is heartbreaking. This organization and support group helped me through it all. This is why I continue to share thoughts with the hopes that I now can provide some help and comfort to others. Agitation is a big part of the disease. The right medication can help, but I agree with those who state that they don't want their loved ones to become "zombied out". You are at the early stages, so enjoy these moments with your dad while you can. What I found helped with my Mom and depression at this stage was taking her outside for fresh air. We would sometimes go for a ride, or go to the park, or walk around the yard or sit outside … even in winter, I would bundle her up and just get her outside for a little bit. Since your dad is still functioning, dressing, bathing, etc., if there is something that the two of you can do together - play a game, or watch a movie, or share a conversation … keeping him busy and engaged in something also helps with the progression. My Mom's doctor advised to keep her eating and moving as much as possible. So that's what I did for as long as I could. I wish you well and will pray for your strength.

  • BryanStockman
    BryanStockman Member Posts: 2
    First Comment
    Member

    I totally understand my parents live with my wife and His anger about moving into our house lasted for a couple months we can’t even mention his old house

    he’s had hallucinations and can’t remember anything from ten minutes ago but he still thinks he can live by himself

    I have had to refuse my older brother to visit without a social worker because he just agrees with dad that he can live alone

    Which just makes dad mad again

    The only thing he remembers is why he’s mad

    I never new this was going to be so hard and my mental health is suffering badly

    I doubt I’ve been any help but you’re not alone

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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