How to move from assisted living to memory care

junglejess

My mom has been living in AL almost 2 years after difficult move out to California from Michigan. She did well the first year, but then AL decided to renovate and the disruption triggered fear. She’s 77 years old and was diagnosed with likely dementia, has aphasia and recently has been having auditory hallucinations. She’s somewhere in the middle stages. She can handle most ADL, but moods and behaviors are challenging. We have been informed by her community that she needs to move to memory care. The memory care where she lives is not good. We have found an MC that is a good fit, but she is unwilling to leave her assisted-living. Unfortunately, it’s not up to her at this point. We are trying to come up with a gentle way of moving to this new location in a way that keeps her as calm as possible. Should we give sedatives to calm her and tell her that the move is temporary because they are renovating her apartment and didn’t have any other space? What stories have worked for you? There will be some overlap so thought is to decorate the new place with something nice and then slowly, but surely swap out those things for her things. Also we know giving her time to ruminate about the plan is not a good option. It will be a little bit of a surprise, but she has visited the place. We want to move her to already so it will be familiar. She has struggled w OCD, anxiety and depression her whole life so it’s complicated. Very difficult to know the right way to do this.

bether00

Moves are tough, so give yourself grace that it may not be smooth, but you are ultimately moving her to give her the best care. It is hard to know how aware they are of their environment. When we moved my mom from AL to a group home, she knew that change was happening in the moment, but never asked about her AL after we moved. I think your idea to not do a lot of prep, and just make it happen day of will help her adjust best. Your suggestion of renovation is a good one, and just move through the day with confidence showing you are calm and helping her with the plan. It feels deceptive to not give all the details, but I kept having to remind myself that she couldn’t help with the decisions or process what I was sharing. I was only adding to the stress when I tried to involve her in planning. We had to move my mom several times for progressive care needs, so got a bit better each time. If she gets agitated, don’t feel bad to leave. The mc facility will be experienced and settling them in and I know I could be the trigger in those early days. Hang in there and congrats on finding a good care option. You clearly care so much for her well being and support.

MeganK

my siblings and I moved my mom from AL to MC under the guise of the former apartment has “plumbing and HVAC issues” and needed to be vacated immediately. One of us took mom out for lunch/mani/pedi/movie for the day while the rest of us moved all of her belongings from one place to the other. Thankfully, they were both part of the same facility and we had mover help. She transitioned relatively well in those first few days, and anytime any of plus come to visit her. But all the other days of the week she is calling us and saying someone needs to come pick her up from “whatever this place is” and take her home.

ARIL

We moved my father from AL to MC (different facility) and then to another MC in yet a different place. We were able to set up the new places with some of his belongings before the actual move. We didn’t discuss the moves much in advance. On the day of the last move, we took him out for a meal and then just drove him “back” to the new place. Instead of talking about a “new place,” we talked about the furnishings and reminisced about when and where the furniture was bought, about his aunt who made the quilt, and about who the photos are of… That is, we focused on details rather than the overall situation. The MC staff helped him get settled and took him to dinner as we quietly left. It went OK. Not easy, but not bad. We do visit a lot; he seems to respond well to that, although I know that varies from person to person. Good luck to you!

jfaler

My mom is 83 and we moved her from Massachusetts to Virginia, where I live, in September 2024. She had to move into an assisted living facility because of medical reasons. To facilitate moving her, we hired a service called "Flying Angels". This is a service that moves people with medical issues that prevent them traveling on their own; the company takes care of all the arrangements to get the move of the person setup and there is a Registered Nurse that travels with the person from the point of pickup to the point of drop off, including any flights and related transportation to/from airports. Because of the distance of the move and my mom's condition (has Alzheimer's), this was the best way to move her here and get her here safely and quickly. It was certainly worth the money and could recommend this service to anyone considering a longer move with someone with Alzheimer's.