How to move from assisted living to memory care

junglejess

My mom has been living in AL almost 2 years after difficult move out to California from Michigan. She did well the first year, but then AL decided to renovate and the disruption triggered fear. She’s 77 years old and was diagnosed with likely dementia, has aphasia and recently has been having auditory hallucinations. She’s somewhere in the middle stages. She can handle most ADL, but moods and behaviors are challenging. We have been informed by her community that she needs to move to memory care. The memory care where she lives is not good. We have found an MC that is a good fit, but she is unwilling to leave her assisted-living. Unfortunately, it’s not up to her at this point. We are trying to come up with a gentle way of moving to this new location in a way that keeps her as calm as possible. Should we give sedatives to calm her and tell her that the move is temporary because they are renovating her apartment and didn’t have any other space? What stories have worked for you? There will be some overlap so thought is to decorate the new place with something nice and then slowly, but surely swap out those things for her things. Also we know giving her time to ruminate about the plan is not a good option. It will be a little bit of a surprise, but she has visited the place. We want to move her to already so it will be familiar. She has struggled w OCD, anxiety and depression her whole life so it’s complicated. Very difficult to know the right way to do this.

bether00

Moves are tough, so give yourself grace that it may not be smooth, but you are ultimately moving her to give her the best care. It is hard to know how aware they are of their environment. When we moved my mom from AL to a group home, she knew that change was happening in the moment, but never asked about her AL after we moved. I think your idea to not do a lot of prep, and just make it happen day of will help her adjust best. Your suggestion of renovation is a good one, and just move through the day with confidence showing you are calm and helping her with the plan. It feels deceptive to not give all the details, but I kept having to remind myself that she couldn’t help with the decisions or process what I was sharing. I was only adding to the stress when I tried to involve her in planning. We had to move my mom several times for progressive care needs, so got a bit better each time. If she gets agitated, don’t feel bad to leave. The mc facility will be experienced and settling them in and I know I could be the trigger in those early days. Hang in there and congrats on finding a good care option. You clearly care so much for her well being and support.