Mother Passed Away/Car Keys

ljharkins

My mother passed away 3-4-25. Father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s January 2023. He has been is early stage to date. Still takes care of himself, but can’t manage bills laundry or cook. I have 2 sisters. One lives right beside him & helps a lot, but works FT. One lives within 5 blocks, helps after work. I live 2 hrs away, retired & stay with him 3 days a week. I am the POA, pay the bills, go to Dr appointments, medication etc. He hasn’t driven in 5 years (other health issues that are now resolved). We took his keys away 3 yrs ago & but ended up having to disable his truck. It wasn’t a huge issue, although he was angry, because my mother drove him wherever he needed to go. He found her keys last week & drove last week. We had a discussion & he was/is very angry with us. He lost his keys the next day. We have no ALZ resources locally. I can’t continue to go every week financially & my own families sake, I have been doing it since my mother got sick in January. My sister, BIL or I stay with him at night. Our issues are keeping him occupied during the day when my sisters are working, dealing with his anger, trying to grieve our mother, take care of our families and take care of ourselves. We are very overwhelmed. He isn’t at a point that we feel we need to move him out of his home. He refuses to move in with me because he wouldn’t be able to go the the cemetery to see her daily & he wants to be in their home. He’s had so many changes since January & we are trying to keep his routine as regular as possible. We heard there might be a program that might pay for someone to help during the day. He has Medicare & a supplement insurance. Any help, information, resources are appreciated!

Quilting brings calm

I think you may need to reconsider leaving him in his own home. With all the support you have all been providing, he still got himself into trouble by driving 3 weeks after your mom passed. And that was with you being there 3 nights a week. He can’t cook - but there’s a stove there for him to decide to try, right? Your siblings can’t work full time and stay with him every night because they have a life just like you do ( and I do understand why you can’t go every week).

Since he is at early stage, he would be fine in an AL where meals are provided, medication is managed, laundry is done and there are staff 24/7.

Lighthouse Susan

You have been through so much! My heart goes out to you. Hang in there!
I think a service should be available or even a day service your dad could go to during the day. A lot depends on his financial situation. If he qualifies for aid, that opens up some options, or if he’s able to afford a helper coming in each day, that could help.

H1235

Welcome! So sorry for your loss. As far as the car I wouldn’t even try to explain. If the keys are truly lost I would recommend finding them asap and then “losing” them for good and disabling the car. I know you really want to keep him in his home, but I agree with quilting brings calm. The idea is to move him before there is a terrible incident. You don’t want him to die in a house fire he started because he randomly decided he could fry bacon. You got very lucky with the car incident. In home care is expensive and can be difficult to manage ( no shows, not good caregivers, etc) How long will your family be able to keep up with this even with a bit of help? Assisted living facilities can have waiting lists. It might be worth checking out your options and maybe get on a list if that is necessary. Being moved to Al is still a sore subject with my mom, but she has made friends and participates in some activities. Overall it has been good for her. Another option may be cameras in his house. I really don’t think this will solve all your problems, but it might help some. Most counties have a commission on aging. That would probably be a good source of information for you. They might be able to give you phone numbers for programs available.