But what if it's something that could be treated?

LaCira

My mother has always been afraid of ALZ because as her own mother aged, as soon as she became moody and forgetful, her sisters insisted this was ALZ and sent her to live in a gross, smelly facility (my mother's words, but not untrue).

Now as she is in her mid-80s, my mother is showing signs of memory loss and potentially ALZ.

The thing is, some of her most pronounced personality traits are traits she had for nearly 20 years, and some longer than that. She's had a victim mentality her whole life, so that's certainly not new but it's gotten so bad. For many, many years she has believed that people get into her home, take random things, move things, disassemble things, rent out the space when they go on vacation...now she believes they must be witches to break in past two security systems and the physical barriers she puts in place each night. She's very moody, and can cry on a dime recounting all the past hurts (again, nothing new actually). I'm so sorry for my 88-year-old father who is living with her. She's convinced I love him more despite my attempts to tell her otherwise, and of course he doesn't believe her and isn't overly compassionate when she tries to tell him what's missing today or that she chased the people around the house last night and why won't he help her??

I say all of this because I wonder: yes, there probably is age-related dementia here, but is it possible some of this could be something else, something a neurologist or psychologist could help with?

I think we should be cautious writing everything off immediately as Alzheimers, because not every age-related issue is. I just wonder if anyone else has had luck with treatments for some of these symptoms, or if I'm just kidding myself?

I can't imagine having to tell her it's time to live in an AL facility. She isn't crazy about talking to someone about her situation now!

ALCB

Hello, @LaCira, and welcome to the forum. I don't know whether or not it is dementia, but I highly recommend seeing a specialist ASAP. My grandmother has always been a bit of a hypochondriac and liked familiar things, but it got so much worse after a botched eye surgery that we assumed it was Alzheimer's (she's not diagnosed—absolutely vexing). Early stage Dementia and Amnestic MCI are often times much more treatable than later-stages dementia. Also, most dementia patients don't need to go to a facility until much later stages. Recently there have been new discoveries in the dementia field, so you could explain to her and tell her that there are now 1) better medications, and 2) better long-term care facilities, if she should need one.

Wishing you lots of luck.

Quilting brings calm

There are indeed things that share dementia symptoms but that can be treated- low vitamin B, thyroid issues etc. That’s we all recommend having your loved one tested for those things. Anxiety and depression can be similar too. What you describe sounds like paranoia - which can be a dementia symptom, or a psychological issue. Medication Helps.

Bluebird

Have your mom see a neurologist who specializes in dementia. There are some conditions that can cause dementia that are treatable. Until a neurologist examines her you don’t know what your dealing with.

H1235

Welcome. I agree with the others that it is worth getting her tested. Just assuming it’s dementia is not a good approach in my opinion. I would avoid being to honest with her about what the appointment is for(she may not go). A letter to her doctor explaining the symptoms or contact through a patient portal works well. Discussing her symptoms in front of her would probably not go well. All that said, I have found that my mom’s personality has changed in some ways. She is now very confident, even cocky, where before she tended to be unsure of herself. She used to be so sympathetic she almost smothered me, no she lacks empathy. On the other hand she has always been overly critical and demanding and that unfortunately is even worse now.

harshedbuzz

@LaCira

IMO, anyone showing signs of cognitive changes or altered mental state needs to be seen by a doctor. At the very least, you would want the basic panel of bloodwork and imaging to rule out something treatable or a brain lesion.

Both of my parents had bloodwork that revealed a treatable cause of cognitive of changes. Dad showed symptoms for a decade before he was diagnosed because mom refused to admit he had issues and he had the same fears your mom has because his uncle's kids "took his house and put him in a home". In dad's case it was a vitamin deficiency caused by alcohol; had it been caught earlier and treated with IV replacement and lifestyle changes he could have had a better quality of life for about a decade until the Alzheimer's kicked in. FTR, his ARD is heritable; his nephew had it and his uncle probably did as well.

In mom's case, I saw significant memory loss, executive function and mental fog. This was hard to parse as she'd got untreated ADHD and has always been weak in areas of executive function despite being quite bright and creative. I shared my concerns, and we got her to the PCP who ordered the usual tests. Her test for Lyme Disease came back positive; in retrospect she'd had symptoms during the previous summer (joint pain significant enough that she went to the ED which did not test at the time). Once treated, her memory and executive function improved considerably although I still have concerns about MCI given her word finding issues and imperfect memory. At 87 with many other issues, I am not pushing on a formal diagnosis at this time having ruled out what's treatable. She doesn't drive, I see her almost daily and have the legal documents I need to take over.

You mention personality traits. It is also my experience that dad's personality/mental health issues became considerately more obvious with dementia as some of the earliest losses it that of a social filter and empathy. Dementia is about so much more than memory loss.

HB

LaCira

Thank you, everyone, for your advice. This gives me more confidence to approach this, first and foremost, with an attitude of how to make her better based on the possibility of chemical imbalance or other treatable issues. It won't be easy getting to the doctor, and I may need to insert myself into the process since my dad may not follow through, but let's see.