Overwhelmed caregiver.

locqueenlove

My mom just got diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia 6month ago. Sometimes she will be her normal self then she someone I don’t recognize. Someday I can get her to take her medication with no problem then another day she resist. I’m having hard time keeping the house clean because she leaves things everywhere and brings her clothes down from her room and put in the living room. I’m so overwhelmed. Im only 31 and i have to manage a 3 bedroom house because my 62 mom can’t. She always leaving the house. She doesn’t want listen to me anymore. My family doesn’t wanna help me. They keep telling me to throw her into a home.

terei

You dont ‘throw her into a home’. You help her have 24/7 attention and care which cannot be given successfully by one single person. Placing her in a facility is doing something FOR her, not TO her. You can ruin your own physical + mental health by insisting you can do ‘everything’ for her on your own. Your choice.

Sizzle2

While I agree, caring for her alone will be almost impossible. You do need a community and additional help. Most people today can't afford a "home" unless you get support from your family...it's very expensive. Find a local Alzheimer's chapter and get to know others who can help offer ideas on resources. Look for an "adult daycare" location to get reprieve. Call "nursing homes" to find out if they have staff that does part-time, in home care. If she's on Medicare, contact your insurance company (e.g., United Healthcare, Aetna) for in-home resources (CNA, etc.). Talk to local churches. Often, volunteers will come to give you respite for a few hours while you take a break.

Re: Meds. Crush pills and put in "pudding" or something sweet/tasty.
Re: Clothes: Find a cabinet downstairs and make it her hidey hole...tell her it's a game.
You have to try to be "creative" and find "different" approaches. It's hard...but don't give up. GOOD LUCK!

lisn2cats

Sizzle2 is so right; trying to do everything on your own is too much. After my dad passed (in March) and being an only child, I thought I had to do everything myself. It's just so much, I know. I was lucky, my mom has a small group of friends who not only rallied around her, but they gave me so much support. We developed a sort-of schedule and they would visit her for an afternoon or take her out. I would tell them what I wanted to do (like hire part-time in-home care) and they would back me up with her (she was willing to hear it from them. I think she didnt't want to be told by me - that flipping of roles). Her county's Office of Aging had a bunch of respite resources for caregivers as well as social workers to help navigate the system, options, and services (incl. free ones). Care.com was another resource I used (great for a few hours of "freedom" - they kept her occupied and tidied up the house; they were a little less expensive than the in-home care service). The AL communities around here also have respite rooms (temporary stays for the LO). It's a little pricey, but gives you time to sort out what you need to do AND introduces your LO to AL. It's not perfect (my mom drives me nuts in other ways now) BUT I know she's safe, she likes the staff, she loves how her room is decorated and furnished, and I have 80% of my life back.

@Sizzle2 - love the creative ideas like making the hidey hole a game…wish I had been more imaginative.

I feel for you and am sending you moral support.

locqueenlove

everyone thank you for your generosity and kindness support.

SDianeL

sorry about your Mom. While you’re waiting to make arrangements for her care, read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husbands diagnosis. If you don’t have a DPOA and HIPPA documents, meet with an attorney asap and get them signed. Tell her that you both are going to do it just in case anything happens to either of you. Learn to fib to her. Don’t argue with her. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Redirect or distract her. Pack up many of her clothes and put them in another room. You can’t stop her from moving her clothes. If she’s anxious and agitated, talk to her doctor about medication to calm her. Come here often for info and support. We understand.