Advice Needed After Moving My YOA Mom from AL to MC

ErinGrace

I posted here a while back when my mom was first diagnosed with ALZ and I was trying to move her from FL to GA to be closer to me.

She’s 65, I’m 30, and I’ve been her POA for about a year. She’s divorced, so this has all been pretty overwhelming at times. After a really tough few months, my sister and I were able to get her into AL near us in GA, but things didn’t go as smoothly as we’d hoped. She’s had two geriatric psych stays to help adjust medications, periods of refusing to eat, and increasing agitation. It eventually became clear AL wasn’t enough, so she was recently moved to MC.

Now I feel like I’m back to wondering what’s normal and what isn’t.

She still recognizes me, my sister, and her brother, and when I visit I can usually redirect her mood. Lately though, she often says she feels like she’s going to throw up, and sometimes has diarrhea. She’s also started asking “are you about to leave,” which is honestly heartbreaking.

I’m also second guessing whether the facility is doing a good job. I do like the staff, but I don’t know what’s realistic to expect and I worry my sister and I might come across as too intense…When we've visited she's had feces on her dirty clothes and constantly talks about feces in the toilet and has been clogging the toilet with things. She also has been putting these clothes in her shower to hide them I think?

For those of you with loved ones in MC or similar situations :

• What helped you feel confident in the care they were receiving?
• How did you handle visits when they asked to go home?
• If your LO moved due to agitation, how long did it take to settle down?
• Does any of this sound familiar?

I feel better having my mom here closer to me but holy cow its hard to wonder if she was better off at her house. I know she was alone and that couldn't be the case but seeing this her go through this is heart breaking and I'm feeling so guilty.

SusanB-dil

uughh - so sorry you are dealing with all that.

No - she is not better off at home. She would not be able to care for herself properly. (meds, food, clothing, hygiene, etc, etc…) That being said, I do wonder if you should go ahead and look into another facility if she is not at least being kept clean.

Asking to go home usually involves fiblets - "the house is being worked on due to 'electrical', plumbing', a water-main broke"… whatever works. Sometimes you can blame it on the doctor wanting them to be there for rehab or observation for now.

ARIL

I moved my PWD from one MC to another because I felt he was not being kept clean, and the info they gave me when he was sick (and they asked me to stay away) was inconsistent and inadequate. The new place has problems too (like frequent staff turnover), but his basic needs are being met even though the disease is getting worse.

Victoriaredux

The hygiene part gets me- what she says about feces you can't take for certainty but if you've seen it on her clothes - and that she stashes dirty clothes [I assume in MC] and the staff doesn't address it isn't good in my book- the diseases .

Are inspection reports available on line? Have they been cited for this type of thing ?

If she ,ah, fiddles with her pooh maybe an outfit where she can't remove or access her diapers will help.

"Are you going to leave?" I take as not so much as a wish stay here or the visit wasn't long enough but "you're not leaving me " in general. Comfort seeking . You may also try the slip-out at the end of visits versus a "Bye Mom, have to go" , have a staff member nearby to distract , and with LO's time distortions they will hopefully be saved the stress of a parting, because they don't remember it happened.

If only all PWD knew just how much they are in our thoughts all the time.

psg712

"I'll see you soon" helped a lot with goodbyes at the end of a visit. No promises of specific dates or times - many PWDs can't keep track of a calendar or clock anyway - but it put the focus on the next visit to look forward to rather than a departure and my absence.

RStoner1075

I’m a CNA, I do not like facilities and I do not like defending one. But that being said people with Alzheimer’s and Dementia will argue you up and down that they do not need to change because they’re not dirty. Even though you see dirty spots on their clothes. You can not argue with them and try convincing them. It’s not good for them, they get upset and agitated. The main reason I’ve ever seen dirty clothes be put in a bath tub is because the staff puts them there in an “out of sight out of mind situation”. Each person’s laundry stays in their room until wash day. VA
Moving your Mom is not good for
her, most people with
Alzheimer’s/Dementia tend to
decline faster when being moved
around. They have trouble adjusting and start having behaviors.
Every facility has bad Bosses, bad Nurses, Bad CNA’s, bad support staff. You will never find a perfect facility for your loved one.
If she ask to go with you when you leave tell her you need to run Errands, that usually always satisfies them and after you leave they usually always forget about it. Never tell them a time you will return they will always watch the clock waiting for you to return

Victoriaredux

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274331#Comment_274331

Thank you for posting, just a thought it would be helpful if, as a separate post , with your perspective if you had some suggestions of what family and DPOA who placed the PWD could do to make everything run smoother.

The bath tub thing makes sense , laundry at a MC is a adventure . "Whose gray sweatpants are these ? "MINE "yells back 85 % of the group [I know they need to be marked]