Hello

Hi vhthomas - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Also dealing with MIL with alz and vasc. Yes, it is hard. Lots of good advice and commiseration here. I found that the folks here understand more than friends and family. We have rather understanding friends and most family, but they aren't 'living' this.

Hi there

I am new to this forum also (just signed up an hour ago lol).

My father has vascular dementia. He will get further testing at a memory center next month. It’s been hard because my brother lives 8 hours away in another state so it’s only me that has to care for my father who thinks nothing is wrong with him because he is 85 and healthy other than the dementia with agitation/anger.

I thought I was handling the memory loss and frequent questions fairly well but the last few days have been frustrating. DW’s memory span is getting shorter and the questions more frequent. She doesn’t remember what is in the refrigerator without looking and even looking at something wrapped she will forget what it about a minute after being told. Probably a more significant source of my frustration is my taking more time the past couple of weeks to be on my I-Pad and making phone calls while she is on the computer or resting. This is a comfortable routine for me and I’m not doing well shifting gears when I’m with her - think I’ve slipped back into a mindset of what is comfortable for me can be the “norm” for US. That is not the way the disease works.

I perceive my wife’s time on the computer is becoming more of a problem and I don’t know what to do about it. It has been her normal routine for years to get on the computer in the morning to read e-mail, pay bills, review charges, check book etc. Now with her memory being worse, everything takes longer and she goes over the same thing 3 or 4 times. She has developed a pattern or marking items unread when she is not sure what she wants to do about them. Then, when it shows up again, she doesn’t remember she has already seen it once or twice. I use to think I should just let it go but it is wearing her out physically and emotionally but she not ready for me to take over. I do go on the computer before she does to remove irrelevant emails and spam but that is not helping. Any suggestions?

Hi jbc,

You'll get more responses if you post your question on its own as a 'New Discussion' so that more people see it. Use the 'New Discussion' button on the upper right part of the page.

Once the short term memory gets bad the person with dementia will rely on visual cues to remind them of tasks. Removing those visual cues (like bills, mail, etc) will help.

Jbc, you probably need to be strategizing for way s to wean her off the computer. If it's primarily email, a graNdpad might work temporarily, where you can limit email access. Regarding bills and the checkbook, i wish I had an easy answer. Would it work to change the wifi password and feign ignorance, saying that her computer is "broken" and has to be fixed, part is on backorder?

My partner was never very computer savvy and her computer days ended abruptly when i came home to find her on the phone with "Microsoft" having just given the scammer remote access to her hard drive. A very astute business woman, she resented my taking over the bills, but i kept it lighthearted and told her i was now her executive assistant. I got credit cards away from her but never did completely remove her checkbook, though i routinely opened outgoing mail and tore up many checks she wrote unceasingly to solicitors. It's not easy, and I don't envy you.