Grief and guilt after moving parents to ALF, how to deal?

Last month I moved both parents to an ALF. I did research in advance and found a nice place close to both their kids. Initially, I felt relieved. One month on however, I feel mostly grief and guilt and am surprised. Is this common?

Mom has mobility issues and AD for nearly seven years. Parents now are 86 and 89. What pushed the situation over the top was that dad began showing clear signs of AD in the last year. I could tell both had stopped bathing regularly, they were not grooming or eating well. The house outside looked fine, but inside it was un-clean. I noticed both had become incontinent, and saw soiled depends piled up in the garage. Dad was then diagnosed with heart failure and advised to be hospitalized for treatment. While there he was diagnosed with A-Fib and told he recently had a minor heart attack. This was in addition to his existing COPD. I knew he could not be released to return back to their house and was beyond able to be “the primary caregiver” for mom.

I tried to arrange Home Care for them previously, but it was unreliable and problematic. There was a no-show, no follow up, and denial from both parents that they even needed help. I felt their situation exceeded what Home Care would effectively handle.

I had paperwork started for an ALF, and explained it as “respite care” for an undetermined amount of time. Parents reluctantly stopped arguing against it. They are settling in, but confused on why they are there and mostly not happy. I visited them and they seem bewildered. They do however look in better physical condition, are getting three healthy meals a day, and medications are managed but I know they do not see those advantages.

In addition to grief and guilt, there is an aspect of carrying the burden of making such a life altering choice for both parents. I removed them from their home never to return again. I am making them spend their life savings. I will soon be selling their house and belongings while they are both still living. How do you deal with all that?

Sometimes I wonder if the grief would be easier to handle if they had both passed away because I would know what to do with that. But this is something entirely different.

I also feel lingering resentment that dad did not see an inevitable collision course earlier, and by default left me to deal with it. I know I did not need to do any of this. I could have sat by silently and eventually a third party may have intervened instead. That did not seem right to me either. I feel like they left me with no good choice. Is this common?