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I think it would help if you could provide more information. Your age and LO age and is this early stage or later. There is a lot of information on the main page for those who are new to the forum. You can also use the search engine on the forum where you can use keywords, such as vascular dementia. I wish I could be of more help.
read the book “The 36 Hour Day” a nurse recommended. It helped me so much. So sorry you are having to go through this. This forum is a place for help and support.
You'll want to monitor the situation with the kids. If the person with dementia (PWD) starts to have personality changes, they frequently target one of the kids, and if you aren't aware of it, it may take a while to catch on.
Welcome ew, you take it one step at a time . As noted above there is much info on the main page. Get legal information in order and be sure to have your adult children read and learn as much as possible as well. Your LO will need someone to look out for their finances, medical care and someone to make decisions for them. So very sorry you needed to find this forum but you will find it helpful.
Sorry you have to be here ew78772. Be careful managing his finances without having a valid POA in place. You really should not be managing his money without a legal document supporting what you are doing for him. You run the risk of him or someone else accusing you of mismanagement and you won't have any legal backing to prove you were doing so at his request. PWD's get very paranoid about money and he may not remember he asked you to help.
A few more issues that come to mind include unknowingly making a wrong financial move that could make him ineligible for Medicaid if it's ever needed and he may lack capacity to grant you authority via a POA at some point. The only way to resolve that is to go to court and sue for guardianship. That costs way more than consulting a lawyer now and getting the proper documentation in place. Please protect yourself if you are going to continue to try to help him out.
I made an appointment with an attorney right away. I told my husband we needed to get papers so that if anything happened to us someone could help the other. He signed a DPOA with me as primary and my daughter as secondary. I also had the attorney do one for me with my daughter as primary and son as secondary. He never questioned it or objected. Within 6 months of his diagnosis he could no longer read documents or sign his name. Don’t wait!
i applaud you for trying to take care of your ex. I’m going to assume you share children. I have no advice as I am new also but admire you for taking this on. It sucks
So many times my DH would mention divorce and then not remember saying it. Hindsight, it was the disease.
One quick comment from one of your posts on this thread. If you are POA his income does not become your income, in fact, as POA you are obligated to keep a very firm line between your finances and his. if only your income counts now towards a PELL grant (I honestly don't know how they work) then becoming a POA for him would not change your income level.
I wouldn't place great hope in the doctor being much help. Look for a certified elder law attorney at nelf.org.
Please familiarize yourself with anosognosia. Pretty soon your LO won't have any idea what's going on. I'm not sure what you will be discussing with your LO. Read a lot of threads, this will help you. This is the best online support group on the entire internet!
Iris
