Support for LGBT spouses

Welcome! I am sure you will find help and support here .

Happy Anniversary! We'll be having our 42nd in August. I'm working on the same problem. My wife feels like she has "nothing going on". I take her with me everywhere I possibly can, and we have friends that invite us to do things fairly often. But I'm very aware this is not enough for her. She thinks I'm gone all the time because I keep myself busy in the house with projects. I do have two regular appointments I go to every week (therapy and PT), plus I hike in the hills around our house many days of the week which she no longer can do with me. These activities are my refuge. Sometimes she thinks I'm having an affair somewhere (not so). She has anosognosia so I am having a very difficult time figuring out how to get help in the house. I mentioned to her I wanted to have someone come in and help us a couple of half days a week (I caught her taking one of the dogs out for a walk without a collar and leash!), but she became angry and suspicious I'm using it as a way I can get out more (true). For the first time yesterday she gave an indication she'd consider going to the local senior center where they offer a variety of classes. I'm afraid she may not be able to really participate in those classes though. I plan to speak to someone there this week to see if they have any suggestions. She was a high level executive in a creative field and it kills both of us that now she spends much of her day watching tv, watering the garden, and doing laundry (one towel at a time sometimes). In my effort to try to take care of myself for the long haul, I feel like I am failing her, yet she is so very resistant to help. She just wants to be with me. There was a recent post here discussing possibility of starting a conversation for middle age caregivers. Try to find it. There may be some good ideas there!

Best Wishes to You!

Karen

Hi HollyB-

Can you talk more about your experience interviewing mc? Are you saying you felt they were uncomfortable because you are LGTBQ, or for some other reason? Not sure about the context of your comments. Curious though.
thanks,

Karen

Karen - I was listening for any awkwardness around a LGBT couple at a MC run by a religious organization. I didn't expect problems, necessarily, but since we've never been Lutherans I wasn't sure what to expect. The upside of this particular place is it has a huge endowment and a fund to support long term residents if their money runs out, which is why we moved my mom there (years ago). I also visited a smaller facility in a smaller community outside the city. I figured if I got a clearly negative vibe, I could walk away and save the effort of completing the application. It is a conundrum, I guess — if I look at places in or near our university city, they cost more and are more likely liberal minded, at least at the administrative level; outside the city or outside this county, costs are less, staffing is different and the political climate is different in rural areas of this state.

I am pleased to meet you, kscroce18. I've had a nearly 20-year trek with this killer disease and nearly as long an association with the Alzheimer's Association, where I've met the most wonderful, loving, and helpful People. My husband was diagnosed with Early Onset at age 54 he's now 72 and in long-term care. I'm not aware of a gay-related forum here. However, there is probably little need for one as any issue can be addressed here. I believe the discussions can be searched. Of additional concern are an interracial couple. I saw no reason for concern and there was none.

Many services you will need to source will depend on your location. AA has a huge database of references. In addition to that the forums offer information, encouragement, and a needed shoulder.

Welcome,

Larry

Welcome ksc and so sorry you are joining us on this painful journey. You are not alone here in being LGBT, even though there are no special groups for us. I have felt nothing but welcome and support since I first posted, because as others have said, this disease does not care who we love.

If you feel the need, though, feel free to reach out directly to me via a message.

welcome! my wife was recently diagnosed with EO too. our neurologist office gave us a list of resources. one is the Duke Dementia Family Support Program. they have a few support groups. we joined the one for EO and we've felt welcome there. they are on Zoom so basically accessible wherever you are.

https://dukefamilysupport.org/support-groups/

we haven't looked for any LGBT specific resources yet. but i can say, it's always nice when we know there are others like us around. so far, where we live, we've felt pretty comfortable. but we're always a little more vigilant when we travel too far from home. been wondering how we'll feel about things when the time comes for stuff like MC and assisted living facilities. but for now, we feel ok with support from family, friends, and coworkers.

Hello, gay-specific facilities and groups are hard to find. Probably has something to do with the numbers. That said, we've had no problem getting medical and social services. In fact, I was, am, constantly on the lookout for that kinda thing as we are also a mixed-race couple.

It did take a while for me to catch the humor. Nice hearing from you

Don