First Visit MC - traumatized

This sounds super upsetting and l also empathize. I agree about asking the staff how she is when you’re not there - most likely she’s less agitated, and will continue to adjust. It’ll take time, and medication can also help. Buspirone seems to have helped my mom a lot - took the edge off her anxiety but didn’t make her a zombie.

It might also be better not to take the kids to visit for a little while - I told mine that Grandma was still getting used to the place, it’s a big adjustment, and we’ll be able to visit after she’s been there a little while. After 3+ months we can now visit, though we still have to scoot out quickly when it’s time to go because she always thinks she’s coming with us (and now wants to bring along her new special friend, also a resident!).

It’s a difficult process but as you and she start to trust the staff, it’ll get better.

Kblau I'm glad to tell you that visiting is much much easier now that she's in later stages (she is in fact in hospice now). I go daily to help her eat lunch, she is always glad to see me now and very loving. She doesn't know where she is or why she is there, has no sense of time, still talks about wanting to leave and about dying. But much more peaceful now than it used to be. Sleeps a lot, so easy to slip in and out without telling her i am leaving. We're in our third year. So two weeks is truly so so early.

First—big virtual hugs! I can only imagine how hard this is.

You say your mom was already in assisted living, so she was not living with you when this move occurred. It sounds like she had built her scaffolding around her AL home, but needed more services than they could provide, and is now completely disoriented by the move. At least in the middle stages of the disease, the PWD becomes very very attached to anything familiar, and because of the brain's damage, their ability to adapt can be poor.

I assume she has a room where she can have some of her own belongings. If there are things you know she is particularly attached to, that aren't there, try dropping them off for the staff to give to her, to make the place seem more like "hers." Give her time to become acquainted with staff members. If you talk with the staff and find that she's having trouble adjusting all around, and if the director (and/or facility doctor) agrees, you might try ordering an herbal supplement called Calm Tabs. It's not as strong as some of the regular medications, but it has been known to take the edge off of emotional stress for many people.

It is also possible that this is just not the right facility, but only time will tell. In the meantime, please do very seriously consider some grief counseling for yourself. You are going to need the additional support to get through this.

❤️