In-home care for parent--where to start?

@BGabriel

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place»

Most communities, typically at the county level, have an Area Agency on Aging (or similar) that can share some resources with you. Word of mouth can be a great way to get a list of good options to research. I found our local IRL Alzheimer's support group great for this sort of thing.

But first, what do you envision in terms of care? Are you looking for a 24/7 live-in caregiver or a few hours daily? Is your dad a 2-person lift, and can your mom participate in getting him up safely? If not, you may be obligated to have 2 caregivers in the home. Local EMS will sometimes provide lift assistance for area residents around falls.

Secondly, if this is your idea, is mom bought in. I knew mom needed help with dad, but he was adament he "didn't need a babysitter" (because of anosognosia) and she was very reluctant to pay the $30+/hour they cost 6 years ago. Our agency required 15 hours a week with a 3-hour shift minimum.

Thirdly, do your parents have a LTC policy or assets to cover the cost of caregivers? Medicare doesn't pay for this sort of thing. Medicaid might off some hours, depending on their income and dad's actual need for care. The VA does offer some Aid & Attendance for some vets depending on income level and period served. Some communities have day programs for PWD available which tend to be less expensive and offer more social opportunities.

You didn't ask, but—

As the adult child in this scenario, do you have the necessary documents in place to take over for mom in the event she is unable to be dad's primary caregiver because of an illness, accident or death? About 1/3 of caregivers die before their LO, so this is important.

You'll also need a Plan B in the event mom can no longer provide care. It's best to pick out some MCF and SNFs in the event you need to make a decision on-the-fly.

HB