Providing Support for my Family

Grace123 · April 9

Hi,

I am looking for some advice. For some background, my mom (58) was recently diagnosed with EOA. She no longer works and is home during the day with my brother (28 with down syndrome). My dad lives with them, but works full time. I (25) live nearby with my fiancé and I also work full time. My mom is obviously going through emotional turmoil with her diagnosis. There are times that she texts me saying she does not want to live anymore. Recently, she has been telling me that my dad has been mean to her, screaming at her and saying awful things. I am sure my dad is having a hard time accepting this diagnosis and possibly doesn’t know how to deal with the problems that come with it. How should I react to this/what do I do? I am trying to reassure my mom, and I think maybe I should send some educational forms to my dad. I feel like they need grief counseling in all honesty, but I know they couldn’t afford that.

Thank you.

JulietteBee · April 9

Many cities hav3 a senior center which also provide some amount of pro-bono counseling/group therapy.

I believe your dad is in fact yelling at your mom. He means no harm. I can say this because my own dear mom has said the same thing about me. Prior to her finally getting an official diagnosis, I found it absolutely frustrating having to repeat what was previously stated, answering questions that were already answered less than 5 minutes prior, and the worse part for me was, having to reteach skills she had previously mastered. She is also an RN yet she needed to be reminded about taking her meds, daily. She was given the pws for different accounts, which she was constantly getting locked out of for entering the incorrect pw too many times. It is extremely frustrating.

You are spared the day to day repeating that dad has to deal with. If you have health insurance, you could use yours to get family counseling.

All the best!

harshedbuzz · April 9

@Grace123

My mom was not up to caregiving when dad was initially diagnosed. She was angry and exhausted by being responsible for all aspects of "adulting" in the household. She was short-tempered and could be unkind.

PWD retain emotional intelligence well into the disease process; if dad's annoyed, overwhelmed or frustrated your mom will instinctively know making the whole situation worse. Mom did improve, but if your dad can't, it might be prudent to seek placement for her to allow him to get a break if he needs to work.

What helped mom-

This short essay on how dementia impacts those with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience

I also lined her up with and attended an IRL support group with her. She wouldn't take advice from me, but when a peer said the same thing, she took it to heart.

Getting both mom and dad on medication helped. Dad was difficult which led to agitation, suspicion and non-cooperation. Meds to dial that back along with treating mom's depression/anxiety improved quality of life all around.

Grace123 · April 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/240456#Comment_240456

Thank you! I have looked into support groups myself and I know it would help my dad to talk to people going through the same thing. I guess my family has a weird dynamic where we never talked about our feelings or got emotional with one another, so it’s a little bit difficult for me to navigate how to approach this, but I am trying.

Providing Support for my Family

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories