Just need to talk to my friends (204)
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I knew hospice was good, because my mother had it for the last few months in NH, but I didn't realize the benefits for me. Thank you all for the good wishes. My stress level is through the roof. I'm going to try to get some yard work done tomorrow, I love throwing things away and last fall's weed stems will do. Working outdoors is a great stress reliever for me, unless I'm changing a flat tire in a creek bed or something.
A neighbor had a heart attack using a snow blower when it was so bitterly cold a couple of months ago, and he's only 60. I was right to stay in and wait for it to melt. I did my usual, I bought big bags of beans and oatmeal in the fall so I wouldn't HAVE to go out. Woodchucks do the same, with hay instead of oats and beans.
DWs wheelchair came today while I was off dealing with DS, and the man across the street accepted it for me. He and his wife told me they would help me if I needed it, day or night. They are nice people, "young" retirees, the kind who take their trailer to Florida every winter for a couple of weeks. Her mother is in NH with AD too, so they have an idea of what my problems are.
I hope to be home when the comfort meds come this evening. Some, such as morphine, they probably want me to sign for.
I need to pick up DW from day care in a few minutes, so I'll say goodbye for now. Take care of yourselves.
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Haven't seen posts from our men- Ron, Carl and David, today. . Hope you three are okay.
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David posted on #203 today. I haven't seen anything from Ron, hope he's OK.
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Lorita…I would find it helpful if you would post an end to a thread. Maybe in bold Caps.
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Well, we had sun for about a minute today, but now we have ——- rain. Again. Ahh, life in the PNW. 🙂
Hi Caro, nice to meet you.
Carl - I'm so glad you have hospice now. They were incredibly helpful to me when I was caring for Peggy. I had no idea. My stress level was always through the roof too, and hospice really helped lower it for me.
Lorita - I love that you now have an accent wall, even if it's not what you meant. I've always liked a burst of color on a wall.
Iris — so cool with the hummingbird. I also didn't know what an Elfa cart is so had to look it up. They look handy. I'm glad you were able to get some good sleep. 11 1/2 hours sounds like heaven.
I just got off an hour long phone call with Peggy's best friend from kindergarten. We've stayed in touch since Team Peggy. It was nice to talk to her. She said something really funny to me — we were talking about measles vaccinations, and I told her about my saga with the baby book and my mom's copious descriptions of my childhood diseases and vaccinations, except for the measles. D was so impressed with my mom for taking all of those notes and keeping the notices from the health department, etc. She told me I should call the school district to see if they wanted the permission slips for their school memorabilia files. Hmmm. I thought that was kind of funny. I'm not going to call the school.
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Judith, I did a short sentence on the 8th saying it was time to go to 204. Good idea about the bold and caps, will do.
Iris, how sweet that the hummingbird wanted to make friends with you. Glad you got some good sleep. Went to the mailbox and saw all the girls, many laying in the shade along the driveway.
I got things straightened up in the bedroom, almost. Still don't have everything on the wall yet. I need some shorter nails. I lost some sleep.last night so have been a little tired today. Fell asleep in my.chair this afternoon.
Zetta, the soup for cats came today. Hope Max likes it. Maybe I should try giving him probiotics like I.give Stormy. Will ask Mike about it.
Another helicopter crashed in the Hudson River today. I would be afraid to ride in one. And, two passenger planes clipped wings at Reagan Airport. Never have heard about so many incidents involving aircraft.
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Lorita…going back I see whare you did that…we just kept on posting…lol
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Helicopters are dangerous, because they don't glide like an airplane if something goes wrong. They drop like a rock. Also, you can take off and land in small areas, so people try to do just that. One of my best friends from high school flew a copter in Viet Nam without injury, despite shooting rockets at people who were shooting back. Then when he got home, he got a job flying people in a helicopter at the County fair. He hooked one of the skids on a cable supporting a power pole and crashed it. Fortunately, they were only a few feet off the ground but that was the end of that job. They didn't have a helicopter, so they didn't need a pilot.
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I have been really enjoying the "Americas" series on TV. Thanks to Lorita for telling us about it.
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What a terrible tragedy in NY! I've been on sightseeing helicopters. Again, what a tragedy!
My 93 year old neighbor told me that she envied me because I travel a lot. I wasn't too happy to hear that. I don't think we should envy anyone. We all have our own challenges and our own blessings. Our lives are unique. For example, she was married for 62 years to a good husband. I didn't have that. But I don't feel envious of her. I don't think it's good to be envious.
I've been dealing with poor sleep for almost forty years. For much of those years I had used various sleeping pills to allow myself some consistency. But sleeping pills affect the memory, so I had to stop them. I have one pill now that I have been told doesn't affect the memory, but I use it only when traveling or when I have an important day coming up and I need to get to sleep. I am trying to use all the sleep hygiene techniques that I have learned in order to get to sleep naturally. I keep trying!
Iris
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Good morning front porch friends!
Im looking for advice from the porch! I've been to grief sharing events, mental health consultation for grief, church gathering, but still having problems. March 31st was extremely hard since it would have been our 58th wedding anniversary. May 26th will be the day of Lou's death and May 28th her birthday. Both boys are making plans to be here with me, but after our anniversary day being so hard for me to accept her not being with me, I'm afraid of May's dates. Lorita's porch has always been supportive and full of love!!
Ron
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Ronald, I know this is rough.
My experience is that grief never goes away but it gets easier as time passes. With time, when I think of the people I have lost, I remember the good times more than the horror at the end.
I suggest you and your sons spend the special days in May remembering the good times. Get out the photo albums and talk about how much fun you had in those long-ago days. If you feel like weeping, do that too.
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Iris, you are dead on about envy. Envy is right in there with lust, sloth, and drunkenness as a way to make yourself unhappy.
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Dear Ron, grief is not something which goes away but does lessen over time.
I know what you mean about dates…my father died 3 years ago of ALZ on my birthday.
Carl is right, use those special days to recall the good times…not viewing them as what is lost, but with gratefulness for having had them.
Blessings to you and your sons as you gather to recall your wonderful wife.
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Ron…I saved this years ago…still find it to be true;
"There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery."
The quote reflects the poignant realization that recalling moments of happiness while in the midst of misery intensifies one's sorrow. It emphasizes the profound impact that memories of past happiness can have when faced with present despair or suffering.
I find it better for me to forget dates.
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Dear Ron, I doubt there is anything harder than losing the love of your life, the person you have grown older with and been with for years. I guess it does get easier with time but sometimes I don't know. It still isn't easy.
I think each person deals with the loss, birthdays, anniversaries and holidays in their own way. I have spent all but two of those days alone -Scarlet and Logan were with me on the first Thanksgiving and Sarah and Todd came on Christmas and those visits helped.
If I start thinking about what used to be I try to find something to get the memories out of my mind. Doesn't always work either. The memories are always there and can come forward with a thought, something you see or hear.
I'm happy that your sons will be with you. This will help and we're always here to help in any way we can.
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Good afternoon from my drizzly end of the porch. It's a mere 45F and unpleasant.
Caro— It's nice of you to step by the porch and say "hello".
Lorita— Good luck with you tree transplant projects. How did Max feel about the kitty soup? Mom's cat loved that stuff.
Carl— It's nice of your neighbors to offer assistance if needed. It sounds like they "get it".
Gothic G— I have my baby's book. It's filled with "good intentions" which is to say almost empty. I was thorough with DS's which was handy for milestones when he was being diagnosed with ASD, but most of my musings are kind of cringe-inducing now. I bet they'd get a kick out of the permission slips.
When we were cleaning out my aunt's cottage complex in Maine, we came across a bunch of old menus from area restaurants. The place that had started as a humble roadside shack and was now a gorgeous building with bay views comped us lunch when we gave one to them. Maybe they'll treat you to a hot lunch in the cafeteria. When we came back after my aunt's funeral, they'd framed and hung it.
Ron— It's hard to be where you are right now, but Lou is worth grieving.
Eaglemom— I owed on taxes this year as well. Not an eye-watering amount, but still annoying. It wasn't as awful as I'd feared as we took an extra $25K out of an IRA for home repairs and updates.
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I need to sort out dinner. DH is having the pasta primavera he's been avoiding all week. I've been craving pasta after all the spaghetti talk here. I have some Mexican lasagna I can toss in the oven for DS.
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Good morning. I had another bad night, being wide awake until 5:30 am, then finally falling asleep until 11:30 am.
Ron, how nice for you that the boys will be with you.
Iris
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HB, Max loved the soup! As he ate his I opened a bowl each for Sammy and Lilly and he helped them eat theirs. He even ate the bits of salmon. Thank you Zetta, for telling me about the soup. Cute IIttle bowls, too..
Beautiful day but the North wind is chilly but I have on short sleeves so maybe that's why. I cut saplings along half of the north yard fence and pulled dead vines off the fence. I'll do the rest later today or tomorrow. Some of the saplings ate too big to cut with loppers so I'll leave those for Bryon. I found a nice mulberry sampling so will decide between it and the elm. The yard is full of maple seeds so will watch for one of those to come up. One of the Bradford pear limbs has encroached on the driveway so will try to cut those back next time I go that way.
Darwin said he thought he was going to cut more wood today. Trying to keep pastures and meadows clear of limbs. Can't keep him from doing that.
I think I might have farfalle with parmesan cheese and English peas for supper with cottage cheese.
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have you tried 10 minutes of yoga or tai chi immediately before bed? It makes you physically tired, and slows your breathing down to match the sleeping rate. xx
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Big day today. Things are moving fast; we only got the diagnosis of lymphoma Tuesday morning.
Two nurses came out today to start hospice care for DW. One will be here twice a week for a while, and the other was here today as a backup for the primary nurse. One of her functions was to get me out of the room on the pretext of reviewing DWs medications while the primary had a private chat with DW. Both told me "She looks great. You're doing a terrific job." They obviously have done this for a while.
A chaplain came out too, but he won't be back, because DW told me she didn't want to see him again.
Then FedEx delivered a bedside potty chair so I don't have to walk DW all the way to the bathroom on midnight visits.
Finally, the pharmacy delivery driver brought a vial of morphine. Everyone (well, not the delivery driver) encouraged me to administer the morphine and feel no guilt about it. They needn't worry. I have never seen the endurance of needless pain as a virtue.
When I was in high school, I saw two young men engage in a pain endurance contest. They placed their forearms together and laid a lighted cigarette in the valley formed by the arms, so that both were being burned. They sat for a few minutes, pretending to feel no pain, until one suggested they call it a draw. The other agreed, and they went away with large blisters (second degree burns) having proven nothing except two fools had met.
Back to 2025, it appears I have progressed from a dementia caregiver to a cancer/dementia caregiver. I didn't ask for that "promotion" but I have it.
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Carl, so glad things went well and are moving along. They probably told you if you need them at any time they will come. Charles was only on hospice a few days until he had to return to the hospital but one.night he was running a high temp and they came!. Another time they delivered medicine at 10 p.m. Ask for anything you might need or think will help.
I know others have had much more experience with hospice than I and can answer questions you might have. My prayers are with.both of you.
Barbara, there was another small.plane crash today too. Seems like there has been several in.the last three months. I saw a really good show the other night about Australia. Wish I.could remember the name so I could watch the part I missed. Hope you are well.
Iris, have you tried counting sheep - or cows? When I.can't sleep I have found if I move a finger at a regular pace it.helps me to.go to.sleep.. Also listening to Chinese Zen music. Hope you can sleep tonight.
Good night, everyone. Sleep tight.
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The "experts" discourage exercise before bedtime. But I might as well try it. I've tried: slow breathing, counting backwards, reciting poems and singing songs, reciting state capitals, listening to rain, thunder, ocean waves, babbling brooks, other nature sounds. The problem is, my body may be tired but my mind is wide awake.
Iris
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Good morning
We have had quite a few cloudy days, but not a lot of rain. It must be clear right now I saw the beautiful full pink moon. I understand it is named for spring.
I now know what the elfa cart is to. I recognized it, but had no idea that’s what it was called.
Envy is not good like you guys said. I think when some people say that they don’t mean it literally, they are using it lightly. At some point though I recognized that it was not good to use that word except for what it means and so I try to avoid that word. You are right, Iris and Carl.
Carl glad you are getting help.
Ron hope you are able to find peace.
My mom fell in the bathroom yesterday and it was unwitnessed. So you know to cover their neck they send her to the emergency room. She had no fractures that they saw and she does have a UTI again. It is so much easier to deal with her ER visits now. She asks the same questions and says a lot of the same things over and over but it’s with a much different attitude now. She was kind to all the workers. She has a beautiful smile and gives compliments to the workers. When xray came in she told him she was going to refuse that. So they came out and told me so I went in and gave her reason that it was needed and just basically said we are going to do this. She gave no more resistance. She just said one of the things she likes to say and she let them do all their x-rays. Quickly she starts telling me wants to go home. That is music to my ears because home is her assisted living. So thankfully afterwards, I was able to take her back myself. That saves me $300. It’s so much easier for me to be patient with her now which I’m thankful for.
I have needed new windows since I bought this house. Yesterday I signed a contract to get my front door, my garage door, garage door, opener & windows throughout entire house & basement replaced. I’m getting the windows that I can clean from the inside. I had those at another house and I liked them. I hate looking out a dirty window, but I refuse to get on a ladder and clean windows at my age. They are in horrible shape and I’m very thankful that I’m able to get all this stuff replaced. I had money that I had allocated for that. I had no what iit would cost me. But anyways, it came in just a little bit below the amount of money I had allocated so I’m very happy about that I didn’t know if I could get it all done at one time. It’ll probably be in about a couple of months they said. I painted the garage door when I first moved in and lasted pretty well. I’m kind of proud of myself it’s just now starting to peel a little bit again. I do not like to paint. The front door when I moved in was showing a little rust. So I sanded it and I repainted it and actually it still does not look bad on the outside but now I’m noticing a little spot of rust on the inside. The glass on side of the door is in bad shape. I really don’t know what’s wrong with them but they drive me crazy every time I’ve look at them. I also don’t like them because I have to pass by those windows if someone rings the bell and I would prefer to be able to pass by there and just look out my kitchen window. I’ll able to do it with a glass that people can’t see in. They’re also going to use that type of glass in the basement so I can get rid of all those curtains that’ll be nice. And some people have told me they have seen a big difference in their energy bills when they got their windows replaced so that’ll be interesting.
Hope each one has a good day
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Good morning. Still damp, cold and dreary here and not feeling very spring-like.
Carl— I'm glad the hospice service is in place and supporting you. When my friend engaged hospice for her mom— also a dementia/untreated cancer patient— the initial chaplain wasn't a good fit for her or her mom. He was a more fire and brimstone preacher than she was comfortable with. She shared at lunch one day that she was going to ask that he not visit; I suggested she as if there was someone else. She was assigned a retirement-age woman who was a Methodist minister who was a much better fit. I don't think her mom realized she was a chaplain, just a lovely friend. My friend thought so highly of the woman she asked her to officiate at the funeral rather than have the parish priest do it. Remember— hospice is for your needs, too.
Lorita— I'm so glad Max loved his soup and ate a little of his salmon. In mom's cat's last weeks, she could usually be coerced into eating soft mousse textured foods. Some of the OTC kitten formulas are this consistency. We had luck with Royal Canin. The texture is almost runny. She loved it and at 16, it was just about getting her to eat something.
Iris— Insomnia is hell. I've gone through phases when my stress or anxiety was running higher than usual and suffered with trouble falling and staying asleep. Medication to deal with managing the anxiety generally improves my sleep.
There are a couple bedtime yoga practices on this YouTube channel that are nice. Don't be put off by that thumbnail picture; most of the bedtime stuff is stretching lying down. Usually with a comfy blanket. I wouldn't call it exercise.Mint— When we replaced the windows a few years back, I noticed a slight improvement in energy bills and also certain rooms were more comfortable. I think you'll be happy with them.
I'm glad the AL simplifies the ER run for you. I wonder if the UTI led to the fall. My mom got really clumsy with the 2 UTIs she had and with the last one her BP dropped making her really weak. I later found out she had a fall as a result.
It's funny, my dad was all charm with the staff in MC and medical centers despite being a miserable uncooperative bear when in mom's care. If nothing else, placement improved their relationship. Sometimes you tales of your mom sound awfully familiar.HB
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Morning, cool and sunny here. Hope everyone is well today. Saw the pretty moon last night. Will be a full, blue moon tonight.
Ron, hope you're better today. I'm glad you have your Church people to be with.
. Iris, sounds like you've tried just about everything to help you sleep. I have had a few times when it took me a while to go to sleep. After I lost Charles the only thing that would help me relax and sleep was the Zen music. Still use it occasionally.
Carl, I'm glad you have hospice to help and have someone to talk with in person and answer questions you may have, I'm sure i
Mint, a few years ago we had our windows replaced. Our house is at least 125 years old and still had the wooden windows from when it was built You could feel the wind coming through. It did help with the cost of electric. They are the kind you can wash from inside, however it has gotten harder to open the windows. But I seldom open them anyway.
Bryon is going to paint the wall of the front porch and ceilings and columns of front and back porches. Seems like there is always something to have done. The two young men who did some work for us last fall are going to paint fences and barn trim this Spring. But Darwin told me.one of them has been deported. Hopefully Luis can find someone to help him. People often have things for a good handyman to do. So glad Gary is closeby.
Enjoy the pretty day.
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Good morning. I had a good night, I slept for nine hours, only got up once. This is because I took a sleeping pill. BBL.
Iris
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up…off to the museum…later
now it is later …driving downtown and back (three different routes) I saw hundreds of people…dog walkers, joggers, amblers, stroller pushers. Also many sitting at outdoor cafes. Is was wonderful.
The big news from the museum…we are having a large exhibit of Ansel Adams June-September!
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Ron, I am also struggling with grief on special days. My Mom used to say when you lose someone you love, do something to honor their memory. She said her Mom wouldn't eat pie that her grandmother liked. My Mom told her to eat a piece & eat another piece for her Mom. While I'm not doing that for my husband & soulmate Lonny who passed last August, I am doing things that honor his memory. I visited his daughter in another state, he was a USMC Vietnam Vet & I'm taking a picture of him to a restaurant that honors veterans. It was the last place we had a meal together. I am ordering a brick for him at our local Veterans Memorial, I stay in touch with the buddies he served with in Vietnam. I placed his burial flag in a beautiful box with a brass plaque. I'm going to visit his grave on his birthday & on the day he passed. I made a list of ways I can honor him like donating to the Alzheimer's Association & the Gary Sinese Foundation. I'm helping other caregivers of veterans with Alzheimer's. One thing that I do is stay busy. I make a list of things to do each day and mark them off as I do them. I do jigsaw & crossword puzzles which occupy my brain so I don't think. Someone posted on the forum that they were taught "thought stopping" & I've been practicing that. When thoughts creep in, tell your brain to stop and redirect your brain to something else, more positive. It's hard. Sending love & hugs to you. 💜
Today I made a copy of the lyrics to the song "The Dance" …
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance…1
Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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