New Here & Just Trying To Keep Up

ErinGrace
ErinGrace Member Posts: 10
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in Caring Long Distance
I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and alone, and I’m so thankful to have found this group. I’m 29 and live in Georgia. My mom is 65, lives alone in Florida, and was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. My parents are divorced, and my sister isn’t able to help due to her own challenges. My mom’s brother offered support when she was having some issues but is grieving his wife and easily overwhelmed so I haven't told him about the diagnosis yet. Thankfully, my mom’s best friend and neighbor have stepped in to help with appointments and paperwork. My dad is helping with legal matters as we prepare for elder care support — but even starting that process has been terrifying. I know my mom will eventually need to go into a home, and I want her to have the best care and be close to me here in Georgia. But I live in Atlanta, and everything is so expensive. I’m really starting to worry about how it will all work. I’m grateful for the support I do have, but I get flooded with texts and calls throughout the workday with updates — and even though people mean well, it overwhelms me and I feel awful even saying that out loud. There’s just so much to manage: bills, accounts, insurance, home repairs, finances, appointments, and more… and my mom keeps changing her passwords. I'm trying to keep up but I'm drowning. I feel numb, sad, and stressed but too overwhelmed to even process it. I don't have anyone in my life who I can talk to about this that understands and that's the hardest part. If anyone has tips on how to stay organized or how to prioritize when everything feels urgent, or any other advice I would really really appreciate it.
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  • dayn2nite2
    dayn2nite2 Member Posts: 1,209
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    As I recommended to another poster in this forum, professional help in the form of therapy would be helpful here, because you need coping skills in order to continue on.

    I will tell you now that you do need to prepare yourself that you will be the sole person taking care of your mother's affairs, because the neighbor will tire of doing all they are doing and so will your father.

    Because of the cost of placement, she may end up having to move to Georgia if their Medicaid process is easier, but you will have to shoulder that application process since her current assistance is in Florida.

    I am not sure what your sister's challenges are in preventing her from assistance, but unless she is disabled, I would suggest therapy for her also - again for coping skills in dealing with being the caregiver/advocate for someone who is cognitively impaired. Somehow, someone will need to step up and be responsible, and your mother's friend and your dad do not have any legal responsibility to do that.

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  • Helpmyauntie
    Helpmyauntie Member Posts: 1
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    Hello,

    First let me say, you are a wonderful daughter and that your are doing your best! 2nd, feeling overwhelmed is normal. Please find a way to take care of yourself first- yoga, walks, whatever activity makes you feel whole. If you don't have one, please find one.

    You can only take one thing at a time.

    This message is also for myself, because I too deal with the overwhelming feelings you mention.

    I don't have all the answers most days, talking with family is tough, and watching your loved one struggle is the pits.

    Just keep doing your best!

  • ErinGrace
    ErinGrace Member Posts: 10
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/241473#Comment_241473

    Thank you so much for your feedback! I’ve since gotten power of attorney and have been navigating steps to get her moved to a memory care facility here in GA closer to me. I am glad you mentioned needing to prepare myself for becoming the sole person though because i have been leaning on her best friend and my dad ALOT to help navigate things that i don’t really understand. I don’t know how i could do this without them and this was a reality check, that i will have to at some point and most likely sooner than later.

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  • DHonesty
    DHonesty Member Posts: 1
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    First, I want to tell you you are doing a great job and please remember to give yourself some grace. I want to share a couple of resources in the Atlanta area that I think could be really helpful for you. I live in PA but my parents live in Peachtree City, GA. While my mom has been my dad’s caregiver for the last few years in their home, it is not a natural role for her and she counts on me to make decisions about my dad’s care. Earlier this year it became evident that it was no longer safe or feasible for her to continue to care for him at home. It quickly became an emergency situation and I needed to find a care facility for him in a very short time. Very challenging to do from afar. These two resources in Atlanta were invaluable. The Piedmont Healthcare system has a program for seniors called Sixty Plus. Within that program, there is a dementia support program. Here is a link:

    https://www.piedmont.org/sixty-plus/sixty-plus-dementia-support

    This program has been invaluable for my family. They will connect you with a social worker. My mother attends a caregiver support group run by them monthly. This would be a great place for you to get some support from others who are going through exactly what you are.

    The second is a non-profit that is completely free and will assign you a Senior Care Advisor who will advise you every step of the way in finding care for your mother. They are extremely knowledgeable about the options for care in the greater Atlanta area and our advisor helped us find an outstanding residential memory care facility for my dad. Here is the website:

    https://seniorprovisions.com/services/

    I think both of these resources will be helpful to you.

  • miltonmcdonald
    miltonmcdonald Member Posts: 4
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    Ohh ErinGrace.. it sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time. It's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed with everything that's on your plate right now. It's a lot to handle, especially when you're trying to navigate it all alone. It's okay to feel numb, sad, and stressed.

    It's good that your dad, your mom's best friend, and neighbor are helping, but it's also important to find ways to manage the information overload. Maybe you could set specific times to respond to calls and texts, or even ask people to compile updates into a single message. Remember, it's okay to take care of yourself during this challenging time. You can also feel free to leave me a means of reaching out to you.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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