When both parents need support!

hwaters · July 22

Hi everyone,

This is my first post. My parents are both almost 79 and live in a 55+ community. My mom has moderate dementia, and my dad, who has Parkinson’s (and possibly some early cognitive issues himself), is her primary caregiver.

One of the biggest challenges is helping him understand that my mom needs simple, clear communication. He tends to over-explain and gets frustrated when she forgets or doesn’t follow. I know he’s trying, but it’s hard watching him struggle and not always know how to help.

Has anyone been through something similar—where the caregiver also has health issues? I’d really appreciate any advice or encouragement. Thank you!

Quilting brings calm · July 23

Yes. My parents were in assisted living for 5 years total. Step-dad passed away a few months before mom did, When mom first started having cognitive issues, they sold their camper and moved into an ‘over 55’ community. Basically a subdivision with a community club and housekeeping. That lasted 5 weeks. This was not the right level of care for them and the result was mom getting urosepsis, being moved back to our home state, and spending a week in the hospital and a month in rehab. At the time, Dad’s issues were mostly physical but he’d never done any of the things that mom had been in charge of and he wasn’t capable to do them and was in denial of mom’s needs.
Mom could not be released from rehab until we moved them into assisted living. That was the right level of care for them. The AL provided meals, housekeeping, laundry, activities, medication management, 24/7 staff. They would have provided transport to local doctors, but I did that. I also handled all their finances, etc.

I think you should consider an AL for your parents. This would provide support for your dad both in his own needs and in taking care of your mom. Much less stress for him. Mom and dad both ended up on hospice and the AL allowed them to stay there until the end.

SDianeL · July 23

Welcome. So sorry about your parents. As Parkinson’s progresses your Dad will not be physically able to care for your Mom. If he has PDD-Parkinson’s Dementia that may speed his progression. Your Mom with dementia will need 24/7 care in a secure MC facility where she can’t leave and wander. Your Dad may also need a secure MC facility if his dementia progresses. I would look for an AL facility that also has MC in case they need to be moved to a more secure area. I would not wait to tour facilities.

H1235 · July 23

It sounds like it’s time to seriously consider Al. There can be a waiting list, so I wouldn’t wait. If you don’t think they are ready you can always turn it down and be put back on the list. We waited 6 months for my mil.

When both parents need support!

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