Alzheimer's & Alcoholism

hmercm · August 12

My grandmother is a functioning alcoholic & just got diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She refused to have the all day testing done because she would rather sit at home and drink & she hasn't been deemed incompetent to make her own medical decisions so we can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do but they were able to run other tests to determine the diagnosis. Doctors have urged her to stop drinking but they're also afraid that since her body is so dependent on alcohol, if we restrict her drinking at this point, the withdrawals might kill her faster. My mom is her POA & she has severe caregiver burnout. I feel it trickling down to me because I'm having to be a caregiver for my grandmother & I am my mom's only support system. She has 3 siblings that don't help with anything at all. We have to practically beg them to come sit with her at the house, even for an hour. I can count on both hands how many times I've seen all 3 of them in the last 5 years, but they all have opinions on how we should care for her and excuses as to why they can't help. I understand everyone has their own lives, but this isn't some strange woman. This is their mother. The woman who raised them, gave them life and this is how they thank her. This is how they thank my mom who sold her home, changed careers, took a pay cut to come home and care for her aging parents, who was the only one who paid to get my grandfather cremated when he passed away. They stole money from my mom & grandmother & then blamed me for the family falling apart. It makes me so angry, mostly for my mom and grandmother. I want to cry every day. It's like grieving someone who is still alive & in your face. I try my best to best not to get frustrated or annoyed when she asks the same question every 30 seconds, and I find myself feeling so guilty when I do. I try to give myself grace but it's hard. She's starting to forget that the home she has lived in for over 30 years is hers. She wakes up and her room feels unfamiliar. She has made mention of walking to the liquor store or the bar which scares me. I feel like this disease is progressing so fast. My own life has suffered. I'm afraid to go to work anywhere in case she needs me. I don't know what to do, how to help, or where to start.

H1235 · August 12

Welcome. I can’t speak to the alcohol related dementia, but there is someone here with experience and I’m sure she will comment with some great information and insight. It is my understanding that a typical DPOA does not require the person to be declared incompetent before it is activated. It might be a good idea to pull it out and read it through. Don’t get me wrong there will still be obstacles even if the DPOA is in effect. A DPOA means your mom should act in your grandmas best interest. This does NOT mean she should do whatever your grandma wants. I’m guessing these things are totally different. Many with dementia have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their own symptoms or limitations. This is so difficult to deal with. Is she living alone? Based on your description it doesn’t sound like this is safe anymore. It sounds to me like it’s time to consider a facility. It sounds like she is going to bring both you and your mom down (for both physical and mental health) if things continue as is. I suspect the alcohol problem needs to be managed in some way before any kind of long term placement can be done. I have attached a staging tool, just because I have found it helpful. I hope you can find a solution.

DBAT.pdf

easy23 · August 12

Alcohol makes dementia so much worse. I placed my DH in MC in 2020 because I could no longer care for him. He was taking Xanax so I didn't have to worry about withdrawal symptoms. He improved so much in MC after not drinking for a month that I brought him home. He remained sober and I was able to keep him home until 2024 when he became too much to handle.

From personal experience, family tends to withdraw when dealing with an alcoholic. That's just the way it is.

SusanB-dil · August 13

Welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

There is a 24/7 alz line when you are feeling overwhelmed. 1-800-272-3900, and ask for a care specialist.

You could also check if her county has any elder assistance resources. And perhaps check about adult daycare (we call it the senior center) a day or three a week, although I don't know what they would do about the alcohol dependence.

And do check on some of the threads here. There are others that are dealing, or have, dealt with alcohol and dementia. You could 'search bar' for wernicke-korsakoff syndrome.

I'm sorry you are dealing with 'this'. And yes, you and your mom need a break! Asap. Check adult daycare, or maybe a caregiver for a day or two, or even for just a few hours a week.

Quilting brings calm · August 13

As the grandchild and step-child of alcoholics, I can totally understand her children distancing themselves. My siblings and step/siblings distanced themselves and left me to care for my mom and step-dad fur five years. Did I resent it, yes, but I understood it. We were all damaged by my step-dad’s alcoholism growing up. He eventually quit drinking but the damage was done. I was the eldest daughter to my mom and I felt duty bound to care for her, and therefore, him. They were married almost 60 years. I was the only child that became a truly responsible and functioning adult. So look at your grandmother’s and your mom’s siblings and consider that they just cannot deal with her in their lives. They could be barely functioning.

SDianeL · August 13

Welcome. Sorry about your Grandma. We understand what you are going through. Not much I can add except that some people here have watered down the alcohol gradually to get their loved off of at least some of it. If you haven’t done so, read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and search online for dementia caregiving videos. Come here often for info and support.

harshedbuzz · August 13

@hmercm

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here, but pleased you found this place.

The intersection of dementia and alcohol use disorder is a difficult place which is often complicated by underlying mental health issues being self medicated. Add in the general medical community's cluelessness about addition medicine and it can get pretty gnarly.

Was grandmother given a comprehensive evaluation? Were tests done to rule out an alcohol-related dementia? Wernicke-Korsakoff is the common one related to Thiamine deficiency, but deficits in B12 and copper can also cause amnesia-like dementia as well. This is critical because IV supplementation could potentially improve cognition and function. My own dad had WKS and landed in the ED during a psychotic episode which led to his diagnosis after a complete evaluation including PET scan. Once treated with IV Thiamine and remaining sober in a SNF/rehab, he regained considerable cognition so long as he remained abstinent.

Dad also had Alzheimer's. It is not unusual to have more than one kind of dementia. Alzheimer's and Vascular being the most common. While we tried to support dad's sobriety at home, there was no way I was willing to allow mom to be abused in the role of Alcohol Police given that he'd likely die of Alzheimer's if the WKS or something else didn't provide the exit ramp. We did try non-alcoholic wines and watering down, but his brain was damaged, not his palate. We did explore a drug and alcohol in-patient setting specifically for seniors but in discussing with the director he admitted that success with a non-willing individual with dementia was very unlikely. By the time dad was diagnosed, his executive function skills, ability to learn, anosognosia and poor short term memory would have prevented accessing the program's benefits.

I would not judge family members for their non-participation in her care. As a rule, alcoholics make terrible parents. If it's not the alcohol, sometimes there's the mental health issues that cause self-medicating that impact the parent-child bond. If there's an age or gender difference, perhaps their upbringing was different.

That said, your mother has given up a lot to deal with this situation and it sounds like the trauma is perpetuating as you are being drawn in at the cost of your own well-being. Mom should be working to prepare for her retirement; you should be building a life and career of your own. Perhaps it's time to rethink that.

If mom is POA, she may be able to take steps for grandmom to be safely detoxed and then placed in a MCF which would provide care and allow you two to build your own lives and go back to being daughter/granddaughter instead of hands-on caregivers. If the POA doesn't allow that, perhaps mom needs to seek guardianship. An elder law attorney could help you with next steps.

HB

harshedbuzz · August 13

ETA: Does your grandmother actually go to bars or the liquor store? Is she driving? With an Alzheimer's diagnosis, her car insurance likely won't cover any accident. Other folks in such places would quickly pick up on her cognitive issues and she'd be at risk of being taken advantage of financially. Rounds of drinks, loans, getting rolled— it's not a pretty world out there.

You mentioned mom's siblings stealing. This, obviously, would be illegal if they took her money or property. Did you report this to local law enforcement? Financial abuse of the elderly is a special offense and should be reported to the police who will involve APS.

HB

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