Mom Won’t Stop Staring Out the Door

rosecoloredglasses · August 30

This is kind of a funny one, but I don’t know what to do about it. My mom has Alzheimer’s disease (moderate stage), and she loves looking outside through our windows and door. The problem is is that we have a shared driveway, so there’s usually people walking past our door. To be honest I personally would feel kinda freaked out but walking past a door and some woman is staring at me through it, so I feel like most others would also feel that way. Every time I try to distract her from just staring out the door she gets her feelings hurt, thinks I’m calling her weird when I have never called her names in my life! I know she’s not doing anything harmful by staring out the window but it just makes me uncomfortable the idea of her possibly staring out at strangers. Is there anything that can be done about this??

harshedbuzz · August 30

@rosecoloredglasses

I'm trying to picture what this shared drive situation looks like. Is it shared with a few other homes where you could potentially share your mom's diagnosis and perhaps encourage them to extend her some grace?

If it's really a big problem, perhaps a cling texture would prevent this and keep her focused on using the window instead. Perhaps hanging a birdfeeder away from the door would encourage her to look there instead.

HB

towhee · August 30

I also live in a home with a shared driveway. The driveway is considered a common area and there is no expectation of privacy when walking up and down it any more than you have an expectation of privacy when walking on a public sidewalk. I have my computer set up to where my view is a shared driveway and the side yard of the next unit and I am sitting right next to two windows. My neighbor has a ring doorbell facing the driveway and records everything happening on it 24/7, which is perfectly legal according to HOA rules. Another neighbor sits on an outside patio for hours and greets everyone passing by.

If there is a window or door that she prefers you might put out a birdfeeder or spinner of some kind to give her an excuse for standing there, but honestly there is no need. Anything that entertains her and does not cause actual harm need not be discouraged. All you might want to say to a neighbor is that your mother gets bored and likes to look outside.

dancsfo · September 1

I wonder if it is indeed due to boredom, compared to some other activities or distractions. I agree with @towhee that she is probably looking for some entertainment. So maybe some other enriching activity can help.

re: and does not cause actual harm need not be discouraged

I agree. My mom may be in a loop washing the same basket of grapes or figs until it's not edible. Or decides to "ripen" them by lining them up in some hidden place until it is rotten when I discover them. It's annoying, but trying to stop it seems to hurt her feelings, so I let it go.

persevere · 1:14AM

I wouldn’t do a thing if I were you. If she’s happy and content leave her be. Trust me, it’s better than her pacing and jabbering all day which is what my wife does.

Mom Won’t Stop Staring Out the Door

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