Refusing to shower

helpingdaughter26 · December 12

I have tried everything under the sun to try and help my mother (70) to shower. I have read articles, books, these discussions, you name it. I've tried things like a shower chair, washing her hair in the sink, washing her face in the sink, baby wipes. NOTHING helps when it comes to showering. Every time we approach the topic, she shuts down. I wrote some simple things about how to and why it's important to shower. I ask why she might not like to shower and she just says, "I don't want to anymore. It doesn't make me feel good." I will temper the water and typically stand in the bathroom to hand her the soap and talk about the steps. I am physically washing her hair which she does not seem to mind. She goes days without showering because she works herself up and hides in her bedroom if she knows I'm turning on the shower. I am tired and don't know what to do. We are on day 5 of not changing her clothes or showering. Any tips?

H1235 · December 12

I think a once a week shower for an elderly person who is not real active and getting sweaty is fine. But wearing the same clothes isn’t good. Does she change into pajamas to go to bed? Could you confiscate her clothes then before she has a chance to put them on again the next day? I will attach an article that might be helpful. I think it suggested that the mirror might give the pwd the idea there are other people in the room, since they don’t recognize themselves in the mirror. If you haven’t tried it it would be simple enough to cover the mirror. If only it were that easy. There are shower wipes that might work better than baby wipes, but you still need to get her to use them. Would she do better if the wipes were used in the bedroom vs the bathroom? Is there something she really likes to do or a treat she likes to eat that you can use to bribe her? It might work to see if an hired aide would have any better luck. Relationship with family members can sometimes cause defiance that wouldn’t be a problem with a stranger. I hope you can find a solution.

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

cmcontrat17k · December 12

Hi I will tell you this is very common. My husband now in his 4/5 Stage of vascular dementia hates to be wet, I have an aide and it takes the 2 of us to seat him in the shower, we can not turn shower on and use buckets of warm water, when she pours it over his back ,he get so angry and starts screaming. I understand they have to be washed, but it’s getting harder and harder, like your mom, he pretends he’s sleeping when our aide comes over. We now give him sponge baths and occasional have to force him in the shower…A visiting nurse said it is common for dementia patients, so you’re not alone, maybe try a sponge bath in her favorite place, start with small areas, your lucky you can wash her hair, I can not pour water over his head..They do have aides that help with just bathing..I hope this helps

not alone.