Long Distance Care for Parent with Dementia

Welcome. With dementia I doubt there will ever come a time when she is able to recognize she is in over her head and needs a facility. The inability to recognize symptoms or limitations is called anosognosia and it is awful. She could decide she is perfectly capable of frying bacon (even though she has been asked not to use the stove) and starts a fire. She may decide out of the blue she is going to walk to the store 3 miles away. Im sorry, but her symptoms are only going to get worse. Just because it’s safe for her to do something today doesn’t mean it will be ok tomorrow. When I first came to this site a very wise and experienced caregiver told me to plan for a level of care one step beyond what they need currently. While we all want our loved ones to be happy and we want to respect their decisions, safety (in my opinion) has to be the number one priority. I have the DPOA for my mom and was able to sign all the paperwork. Mom did not even attend the meeting. My advice would be to start looking at facilities. There can be a waiting list to get in. If you are DPOA I would recommend you move her close to you. It’s going to be incredibly difficult to manage everything from a distance. Many people use fibs to make the transition easier. You will know best what kind of story she might buy into. Have her come for a visit, then tell her the doctor called and wand her to do some rehab. She is in luck because there is a place for rehab nearby (the assisted living facility you have already picked out). I know the fib feels so wrong. But if you compare a well thought out fib to a blunt your going period, I think the fib is much easier for the person with dementia. Assisted living is going to offer activities and a chance to meet people her own age and make friends. It is very expensive. If money is an issue, you might want to look into Medicaid qualifications and what they cover in your state. A lawyer may be needed. It’s complicated! I will add a few links.

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

https://www.helpinghandshomecare.co.uk/care-advice/what-is-show-timing-in-dementia-patients/

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-income-chart/