shaky departure on a low staff day for dad's memory care plus recent "unwitnessed" injuries

jen ht · May 30

Hello all,

Dad really wanted to come with me today as I was leaving. He hasn't done that for a while, so I was out of practice. It was also a very low staff day today. For instance, I had to ring the doorbell three times (with long wait periods in between) for someone to come let me in.

So I know there's a pretty good chance it wasn't pretty after I left and there weren't as many "hands on deck" to help.

My heart aches more than usual today.

Plus last Wednesday right after I had posted something relatively positive here, I got texts from a visitor of injuries and bandages on dad's arms. I had not been notified of any injuries, so it was a jolt for me. I felt the old panic mode feelings from the crisis mode days of when we initially had to move dad to memory care in Florida creeping right back in.

I often find myself wishing I could move dad, but I know it would be so hard for him at this point. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.

I'm leaving a lot out here to keep this short-ish. Just feeling low and thought I would reach out here in case anyone has words of wisdom they'd like to share with me. Thanks in advance. Where would I be without this community.

Tears flow,

Jen

psg712 · May 30

Hugs for you! I would definitely follow up with a leader at the MC about the injuries. They should have informed you about this, not left you to hear it from a visitor. Are you confident that the visitor's account of things is reliable? Check your dad's arms yourself and alert the medical provider.

It's hard, even when our LOs are in a facility, unexpected issues can arise and send us into crisis mode. It's such a roller coaster. Let us know how it goes.

[Deleted User] · May 31

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jen ht · June 4

Thank you @psg712 and @[Deleted User]

Apparently he was attempting to remove tubi-grips, which resulted in some bruising and skin tears. He has had an increase in "picking" so I am not surprised. I was, however, surprised to not be notified. Seeing it in pics was alarming.

I left a lot out. Mainly I was just feeling low - as happens fairly regularly. Then the low staffing and difficulty slipping out just added to my feeling of being "stuck" with no good solution. I do remind myself of what is often shared here about the importance of him being safer than he was on his own at home, etc.

They did apologize and said they would do better with communication. I did drive directly there and was able to talk with the NP for the facility who happened to have just reached his door when I walked in. So that was all positive.

I do have a fob for the door, but there are enough exit seekers that I do not use it when I am unsure who might be waiting on the other side. Plus, I had the realization about there likely being low staff available and didn't want to create a problem that I couldn't solve especially without help nearby.

It's just a lot. I know you all know. Staffing and labor issues are just part of the realities of dealing with all of this gestures widely.

I appreciate you both replying and offering your support. Thank you. I've been following both of your loved one's journeys and I send you loving support and solidarity right back. Thanks!

May we be well,

Jen

tboard · August 22

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76178/shaky-departure-on-a-low-staff-day-for-dads-memory-care-plus-recent-unwitnessed-injuries

Sometimes when I visit my DH in memory care I just sit and cry. He has had deep cuts on his arms in the shape of finger nails and bruises. I always find the injuries and say something.

sandwichone123 · August 23

In my state there is a patient/resident advocate, called the ombudsman https://www.aging.nm.gov/ombudsman/ that combines understanding of the processes and practices of long-term care with the mandate to advocate for residents. I don't know if there is someone like that in your state. I would hate to have to start with Adult Protective Services, but if there are bruises and cuts like fingernails, I would only take it management once. Elder abuse is a crime.

shaky departure on a low staff day for dad's memory care plus recent "unwitnessed" injuries

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