How to manage putting a pet down

Mac P

Over the past several months our beloved cat’s nasal tumor has grown larger and her quality of life and weight have deteriorated. DW is middle-stage dementia and can’t seem to remember our discussions of when to let the cat go. Last week we agreed that it was time and scheduled it with the vet for tomorrow. We’ve talked about it every day, but this morning she has forgotten all this and insists that it’s too soon. She wants to let the cat “decide”. Help. Anybody else been in this situation?

Palmetto Peg

It is so hard when that time comes. You can't let your cat suffer because your DW thinks it is too soon. Can you tell her the vet said that it is time and that the cat is in great pain? Maybe the vet would cooperate a little and tell her that, too? I am so sorry you are going through this along with caring for your DW. Hugs from a fellow cat lover!

Ed1937

Hi Mac. Welcome to the forums, but sorry you need it.

Sorry you are having to deal with that. I know it's hard, even without dementia in the picture. Would it be possible to get another cat that looks like yours, and kind of "switch them" when the time comes? Would she know the difference? I know my wife often did not recognize our dog, and would ask me who owned that dog. Just a thought.

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Chammer

DH doesn't have diagnosis and when we had to put our 13 yo pup down this past summer, he kept asking if the vet said it was time. The vet of course left it up to us. My kids and I made the decision and told DH that vet said yes it was time. (It was time). He wouldn't and didn't go to the appt so he didn't know otherwise. Thoughts and prayers for an easy transition. Our fur babies surely wiggle into our hearts and leave a big hole when they are gone.

HollyBerry

I'm so sorry about your cat. We did "kittycat hospice" for 7 seniors during the pandemic. I had to make the decisions and arrangements myself. I was able to use a home euthanasia service that handled cremation as well, and I planned it for when my partner was out of the house. When she asked "where's Lucy?" I was able to say "I had to take her to the vet this morning while you were gone and she said it was time." I could add whatever details seemed relevant but the basic message was easy to repeat and understand.

I taught therapeutic horseback riding for many years, and when we lost a program horse we were very clear with our participants that "Gracie was in a lot of pain and the vet said she wasn't going to get better." Or, "Gracie was very, very sick last night and she died. Everyone is very sad today." A beloved family pet is different from a lesson horse, but being simple, straightforward and honest and acknowledging the emotions seems like a good approach.

ronald71111

I'm so sorry about your cat and I recently went through the experience of losing a pet and my dementia wife still doesn't know that he's gone.

We had a Shih Tzu for over 18 years. The past several months he started going down; eyes bad, arthritis and short seizures, but he was still eating and relieving hisself. The last few weeks he would sleep all day but still ate. Last week he stopped eating and drinking

I took him to the veterinarian Thursday while I had a sitter for my wife. The veteran told me he could keep him in the hospital but didn't think it would help. I went back home with tears in my eyes and as of today my wife still hasn't missed him.

As hard as it was for me I knew what I did was best for him. If my wife would have asked when I came back home I would have told her the veteran told me to do what was best for my pet.

Hope my experence helps you some.

Ron

Paris20

My husband loved our beagle dearly. With Alzheimer’s and then a massive stroke, DH is now in a skilled nursing facility. Since he’s probably toward the end of stage 6 in his disease, I decided not to tell him that I had to put Maddie down last October, when her cancer advanced. I think the answer to the original question depends on how far along your LO is. My husband has no short term memory left so I tell him fiblets. If he were home, I’d probably have told him the truth but I know he’d instantly forget. If I could get away with “She’s at the vet” or “She went downstairs” or “She’s at the groomer,” I might have tried that.

Hope73

May God bless you, Mac P! May you find a comforting solution to help your DW with the kind input you are receiving! I am just new, just starting, though it feels already like ages. My DH and I have a cat. I love the cat, but the cat loves him! I wonder if one day I will come back to this post and read your account and all the experiences shared...😔 Thank you for sharing. Thank you everyone for your time and thoughtful comments and advice. 🐈️

Pat6177

Mac P, thank you for this thread. I am in a very similar situation. Our 18 yr old cat has had 2 near death experiences in the past 7 mos. He just keeps rallying. With the last incident, the cat wasn’t eating or drinking and DH wanted to let him die at home. My fear was that the end might not be smooth. Well, with some medicine to stimulate his appetite, he recovered from whatever it was. But will that happen again? My plan is to contact the vet and tell her that DH has dementia and ask her to tell a fiblet that the cat is in pain or that it would be a painful death. It’s hard enough to make the decision, even harder when you can’t discuss it with your LO and even worse when the cat rallies and makes me feel guilty for even thinking of putting him down!

Please come back and let us know what you decide to do and how it goes. My thoughts are with you.

CStrope

I will be interested to see how the passing of your cat affects your loved one. In late November, we said goodbye to our 12 year old dog, and I feel that the stress of that loss affected my husband greatly, and we saw some rapid decline.

TroyH9

I am SOO SORRY to hear about your cats health. There is a organization we used called Until We Meet Again and they come to your house to help with putting your pet down with a LOT OF LOVE and CARE. Maybe this would help your DW with the decision