Guardianship

DJ Oden

I am the middle child, and the only girl. My mom has appointed me POA for both health and financial. Of course there has to one sibling that will not play by the rules, my oldest brother. He has recently purchased a vehicle in my mothers name. She didn't know what the heck was going on when I asked her about it and neither him nor her told me. I found out while checking her bank statement. That is not the beginning. She wants him to keep the truck, but she doesn't want to be the purchaser 🙄

My mother will be 90 this year 2023 and was diagnosed about 3 yrs ago. She refuses to take medicine for the dementia, I don't think she taking her meds, cannot handle her finances, she has post its all around, forgets very easily, cannot remember conversations, stays in her pajamas all day, she yells and curses at mostly me ,and swears I'm stealing her money, hangs up on me, then, calls me back and starts all over again...good grief. She is perhaps going through the mean dementia stage. However, she is very lively still. She likes to go out on her deck and have some Mr. Boston egg nog and play her music, and may even start dancing, which is a treat for me.

She's also caring and very giving to certain people. And, for this reason I need to have more control than a POA has. Guardianship. I was told by someone at the courthouse, when I begin the guardianship paperwork, she will have to leave the home. I had talked to a lawyer and she didn't say anything about leaving the home. I am not wanting this to be the ending of what truly gives her joy and happiness right now.

Does anyone know about guardianship and if she would be able to stay in the home until It's definitely time to move her?

Quilting brings calm

I don’t know anything about leaving the home. I wonder if it has to do with having to be found incompetent for someone to be granted guardianship. Which would mean she was incapable of living alone?

I do wonder how your brother got the bank to give her a loan or did he persuade her to pay cash for this vehicle? You need to inform him that there is a five year Medicaid lookback. If she runs out of money for her care in the next five years, and needs Medicaid, they will consider that vehicle an asset and it will need to be sold. If it’s in his name, they will consider it a gift and you will all be on the hook for that amount of spending before Medicaid kicks in. Not to mention, legal liability of it being in her name but him driving it. Who’s paying for the insurance?

I’m dealing with the ‘ you’re stealing my money’ rant from my step/dad. Or more accurately, he rants to my mom and she tells me about it. I’ve been handling their money for several years now because she no longer can and he’s never handled the money - she always did all the money handling. Accounts, finances etc.

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M1

Definitely agree you need to trigger the POA if it isn't already, and you can then freeze her credit at all three agencies--that way your brother won't be able to apply for any more loans etc. in her name. If it was cash, will definitely be harder to recoup but you certainly need to prevent any further forays by him. So sorry. At least you have it--in so many families the legal authority goes to the males but the hands-on caregiving falls to the daughters.

towhee

   I was told by someone at the courthouse, when I begin the guardianship paperwork, she will have to leave the home. I had talked to a lawyer and she didn't say anything about leaving the home.

We have a lawyer on the forum who sometimes posts and I can hear him now😉 "Why are you taking legal advice from someone who is not a lawyer?!!" Really, do not worry about what someone at the courthouse says. That said, you also need to have the right lawyer. Guardianship can be time consuming and expensive, and your mother and brother might fight it. It is not totally impossible that the court might appoint someone other than you as guardian. You might want to doublecheck to see if there is any way to avoid this process. It is usually recommended that you see a certified elder law attorney (CELA), found on nelf.org or if one is not available even by zoom in your state, look on naela.org. Lay out the situation and ask them what is best to do. A DPOA used in the right way can be very effective.

Regarding your mother living alone--It sounds like she is at or soon will be at a stage where she needs a lot more support/supervision to be able to live in her home. Persons with dementia can often hold it together for short periods of time (called showtiming) which leads those that visit for a few hours to think they are more capable than they actually are. You might want to consider staying with her for a few days (using some excuse), so you can get a better idea of how things are.

Also, if you go through with the guardianship, the court does an evaluation and finds she should not be living alone and is needing more care than you, as the POA have provided, that will not make you look good.

Good luck-

harshedbuzz

This is going to get ugly. I am sorry.

You need to sit down with the attorney who drew up the POA to get a sense of what you can and can't do going forward.

With a sketchy brother, her credit should have been locked down with the 3 major credit bureaus to avoid this scenario. As POA you not only have a right to act on her behalf, you have a fiduciary obligation to. You may need to engage APS about whether your brother needs to be charged for what he did.