Tips for dealing with some issues I am having with my FIL (85)

krissanne2011

Hello,
I am primary caregiver during the day for my father-in-law who has been dealing with memory issues 10 years, diagnosed with Alzheimers 2 years ago. And Jennifer previous post about this being hard is on point.
I am getting frustrated bc he can't control his bladder at night and I am washing sheets every day. He is wearing the depends but they don't seem to work. Is there something better?
He only wants to go to the bar and drink beer.
He gets argumentative but not physical. We've had to.lock the refrigerator bc he takes thing out of the freezer and leaves them on the counter, or puts them in the fridge, or just leaves freezer open. I was in tears yesterday bc he keeps.feeding the dog and she gets diarrhea so I end up dealing with poop and urine every day. I am so tired.

M1

How is he getting to the bar? Is it within walking distance? Beer is definitley going to increase his urine volume, especially if he's drinking in the afternoons and evenings (as seems likely). May be time to rehome the dog too, if possible. I had a terrible time with my partner overfeeding our cats. Had to hide the food (Maybe you could do that, too).

Wish there were something more obvious. Is memory care an option? A daycare program?

Emily 123

Hi Krissanne,

I'm so sorry.

If you can limit his fluid intake a few hours before bed that would help. Is he actually going to a bar, or just wants to?

Yes, there are more absorbent brands out there. Someone on the boards here (so sorry I don't recall who) liked this brand and they work well for my mom. I think that with overnight type briefs the padding is placed somewhat differently, but am not sure. Ihttps://www.parentgiving.com/collections/dry-direct-by-parentgiving.

You can also insert an extra pad inside the briefs as a booster to soak up more volume-it's very helpful. I don't specifically recommend this--it's just an example...

https://www.amazon.com/Tranquility-TopLiner%C2%AE-Disposable-Booster-Pads/dp/B00JELBY0G/ref%3Dsr_1_5?keywords=booster+pad+incontinence&qid=1686790008&sr=8-5

I'm guessing you've got a waterproof mattress pad already. I have been using the Lysol laundry sanitizer and it's great-try it if you haven't already. It really gets smells out.

You can use disposable chucks on top of the sheets--just figure out how big of an area you need to cover-there are some that are at least 36''x36''. There are also the cloth kind--easier to have on the bed if your person might remove the disposable type-you'll still have to wash them, but it's a little less. Look up 'Chucks' or disposable bed pads' on Amazon.

( I have my mom's sofa set up with them too like this: sofa cushions covered with a plastic bag & zipped into the cushion covers, chucks on top of the cushions, and covered overall with a cheap one size fits all sofa cover. )

Is he able to make it to the bathroom during the day? If so, and he's trying to at night, maybe a bedside commode could be closer, but I'm not sure he would remember to use it.

Your poor pup! Sounds like you'll have to hide or lock up the food. You don't want him to accidentally feed it something bad. Another thing might be to use a gate to keep the dog away from FIL while he's in the kitchen. Out of sight is often out of mind, and so if the dog isn't right there he may not go hunt it down to feed it.

cinnerwags74

They also make the washable pads for the bed as well. I to went threw a point in which I was washing every day..and that just gets old! I would look up male incontinence under Amazon search and it will bring up all kinds of items that may be useful. I went out and bought extra sheets which was very helpful. Good luck on this journey...it's a very tough job but threw the pain you will see happiness and threw the heartbreak you will find true joy if ya try and look for it!! God bless ya.

caregiver53

I used to have a problem with daily washing of bed linens for my incontinent mother-in-law who kept taking off her pull-up or brief at night. What helped was putting a pull-up covered by a tabbed brief on her at bedtime, then dressing her in an anti-strip onesie-type garment to prevent her from removing these. I also attach disposable pads to the sheet with safety pins.