Need simple companion for someone in nursing home

Gustersmith

I need some advice on finding the right companion situation. I can usually find answers to my questions by searching the other posts, but I couldn't find exactly what I needed this time.

My mom has late-stage Alzheimer's & went into a nursing home about a year ago. It's a lovely facility with wonderful staff, especially in the Alzheimers/dementia unit where she is. My usually sweet little English mother has periods of confusion & aggression about once every other month, where she yells, hits, kicks, or throws things, mostly at other residents. She also goes into other residents' rooms in the middle of the night & starts yelling at them for being in "her" bed. She of course doesn't remember any of it. The regular nurses & techs can generally see it coming & divert her attention, or have her sit with them in the nurses' station, but if she gets ramped up before anyone notices then it's hard to stop her. I've gotten seven calls this year from the administration saying that she can't stay at this facility because she's too disruptive. Supposedly they have been trying to find another facility that will take her but they say that none of the facilities in or close to Atlanta will take residents with behavioral issues these days. The most likely "next stop" is in a town about 2.5 hours away, which will drastically change her quality of life because I won't be able to visit her more than once a week at the most.

She is verbal but it's mostly word salad, & she can walk but she's pretty unsteady if that helps with options. Most of the unwanted behavior happens during the 'sundowning' hours, so we're considering hiring a companion to be with her on the nights I'm not there (I take her out 3 days a week, including to dinner on Thursdays), in an effort to at least buy us some time. However, all 3 of the companies the facility's social worker recommended charge $32-35/hr, with a minimum of 4 or 6 hours a day for 3 times a week. They provide way more services than we need (like meal prep, laundry, light cleaning, toileting & hygiene, all of which are provided by the nursing home), but I can't find a cheaper service for someone to just sit there & look at their phone 99% of the time. My mom did not get LTC insurance, & she went on Medicaid last year when she went into the nursing home because we couldn't afford memory care at the assisted living facility she had been at for a few years, so this would be paid for by me & my brother.

1) Is it common for a dementia unit in a nursing home to require you to provide outside companion care?

2) Any recommendations for a cheaper/simpler companion option? (I can go some nights, but I have a 6-year-old son at home & I love being there to put him to bed)

Thanks!

terei

What meds have been suggested to curb this? IMO they are ‘requiring’ you to have a sitter because they know it is not financially feasible +

they want her to leave without them actually throwing her out. Sorry this is happening.

SEM_BOS

First of all, wow, my mom is in a pretty similar spot. She wanders into peoples rooms. Word salads. Enjoys hanging out and talking to staff when they have time. Thank goodness she isn’t usually as disruptive as you describe, and her facility isn’t trying to ask her to leave. But she’s very restless and needs almost constant engagement, which is more than our, or probably most facilities could do.

to help keep her busy on days we can’t visit, we hired a companion from “Seniors Helping Seniors.” It’s a little (not a lot) cheaper than you describe: but the companions are able to become friendly. Ours is wonderful and has been a very big help with moms care.

wishing you the best of luck.

Gustersmith

Thanks for the suggestion SEM_BOS. I haven't heard of Seniors Helping Seniors, but I'll look them up. One of my older neighbors has gone to visit her when I've been out of town & that's been helpful. I should also ask my priest because possibly someone from our church could stop in once a week or so. Maybe if she gets worn out during the day she won't be so disruptive at night.

And I'm sorry about your mom also being in a similar situation. Best of luck!!

harshedbuzz

This sounds quite fishy.

It's very common for PWD in MCFs to be turfed to a short stay in a geriatric psych hospital or unit for medication management to address the aggressive behavior. Once they have a better handle on things because of medication, the PWD often returns to the original facility. If the facility is not willing to allow them back for some reason, then the SW at the geripsych will help you find a suitable facility.

I find it odd that they can't find something "suitable" in the metro Atlanta area unless she will be entering the new facility as a Medicaid patient; sometimes there's a wait for these beds as most facilities that accept Medicaid will prioritize their current self-pay residents who are converting to Medicaid.

That said, it is not unusual for a MCF/SNF to ask for additional patient care to be brought in by the family as the disease progresses. My aunt wasn't aggressive, but her SNF insisted she had a "sitter" to assist her when getting up after a broken hip as she couldn't recall her post-surgical limitations. There was no money for this, so her small immediate family (disabled DD, widowed DIL and rarely one surviving sister who was guardian to another sister with late-stage dementia in a different facility) took turns until she passed. Mom and I couldn't help because we were 300 miles away and dealing with dad in late-stage dementia.

If she typically strikes overnight, I wonder if you could hire an overnight person on Craigslist or Care.com. Maybe a college student who could study/cat nap while she mostly slept-- it might be less expensive.

HB

CorrieG

Church help and care.com is a good idea. In our area, care.com has help from $14-$20 per hour.

Just a thought but in the small town I’m from, the senior center coordinates volunteers that will visit the elderly. Even if it was only one evening a week, that could help.

mommyandme (m&m)

I advertised at the State University for a student helper. Maybe someone wanting to go into the medical field might be interested. I didn’t end up going that route but I did get some interest. We found lots of interest from Care.com applicants. We hired from there in both AZ and CO. Those two options require your own vetting and possibly a tax responsibility. We also used Seniors Helping Seniors. I imagine they might be expensive for what you need but they take care of all the vetting and taxes.

zauberflote

Just want to strongly second Seniors Helping Seniors. We had three for my mom (92, late stages, in MC) in her last several months. I'd have three 2-hr visits per week. The two women were brilliant with her, just being skilled friends, and the man was a cheerful sort who doted on her. The employees are extremely carefully vetted, and are worth every penny in my mind and heart.

Marta

Is your Mom on psychotropic medication? If not, I would encourage you to ask her dementia provider for some. If she is taking Seroquel or Risperdal or similar already, the dose could be upped until the disruptive behavior is phased out. Now that would be the least expensive option.