Elderly Mother having episodes

Joeysat56

Hi everyone I am here with a sad and heavy heart. My 74 yr old mother who lives quite a distance from me is having episodes with what I believe is Dementia. My younger sister is with her and she has health issues of her own. in the past three months my mom has been getting worse. This morning I spoke with her and she told me she was in a house like her own but across the way and no one was with her. I guided her to go to my sisters room to see if she were there, She found my sister. After that my mom told me my sister is playing games with her. I am so sad and don't know what to do. My mother is refusing to go to a neurologist for a check up. I feel with medication it may help her but if she refuses it will get worse faster. Any ideas we are so distraught and scared

Emily 123

I'm sorry joeys,

There are many things that can mimic dementia, like a thryroid imbalance or UTI. Those should be ruled out first. Go ahead and set her up with an appointment with her provider, letting the provider know your concerns before the visit (you can hand off a note detailing the behaviors you see at check-in).

If this is dementia, your mother may not be aware of her changes, and telling her what you see or fear will cause her level of resistance to your help to rise. It sounds like you had good success today. Stay away from conversations about her changes--she won't believe you. Best success is to usually work around the misconceptions the disease is causing in our parent's mind. Dementia is more than just memory loss, but the loss of memory creates gaps in the person's understanding, and people with the disease will use whatever available memories they can access at the time to create reasons for how they see the world. Unfortunately the dementia will also alter the way they can process and accept information too. So it makes perfect sense to your mother that your sister was playing pranks on her this morning, rather than being suprised that she thought she was across the street. Often it's easier to just agree with your loved one's statements and reality to keep them calm, and find ways to keep them safe in the background. You may have to make up reasons (fiblets) as to why certain things are happening. For instance, they shouldn't be driving, so the car is taken away and they are told it is in the shop for repairs.

If this is dementia it may be that your mother will need more monitoring than your sister can supply.

These were helpful to me:

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncKhXQtnyfI

Teepa-10 early: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqmqC-702Yg

M1

Welcome Joey. I chuckled about your "elderly" mom....I'm 67, and 74 doesn't seem so elderly any more......

But humor aside, I'm sorry you and your sister are facing this. Does either of you have power of attorney for your mom? One of you--probably your sister is she is the hands-on caregiver--needs to have it. You or she (or both) should talk to a certified elder law attorney ASAP about getting your legal and financial affairs in order which she is still able to consent; guardianship is much hard and more expensive. Sometimes the way to approach this is to say that you all are updating your papers (and of course, there's some real truth to that need).

You also need to get her medically evaluated; as said, there are many things that can mimic dementia. Start with a good primary care person like an internist, you don't have to start with a neurologist. If she has someone she already trusts, you and your sister need to let that person know what you are seeing, in excruciating detail. This can be written, by phone, or in person--but may need to be done without your mother present. If you don't have HIPPA privileges, they may not be able to respond to you, but you can always share information with them. Don't' discuss ahead of time, don't mention the word dementia to her, just make her an appointment and tell her it's required by Medicare or she'll lose her insurance. Fake a letter to that effect if you have to--white lies become your friend in these situations.

That's a place to start. Wish you well.