Young Adults Dementia Relatives

LadyDandelli

This is something that often goes unheard when it comes to young adults in the world who loving as they are, when it comes to many of the concerns on how to care for a relative(s) that have Dementia, they don't have the full training in being a caregiver. People around them know they're the best family member, so they're seen as capable of handling most to everything alone. In situations beyond their knowledge, they may end up asking themselves "Am I giving my relative the best or did I miss something? What do I do if there is something beyond my capability but outside help is not currently available? Who can I talk to that will see I truly need help, beyond advice, to give the best support to my loved one?" Young adults living in a community they never really knew to learn and grow in, can find themselves out-of-place without an awareness of how near help is, and where to find it. They find themselves wondering how they will support their loved one at home while making sure they also maintain the basic necessities. As one person, giving their 100%, with strong effort in trying to give the best experience to their beloved through all the moments in life, they often find themselves confused when it comes to needs outside of their knowledge, because at that age, they are often at best, still adapting to adulting.

harshedbuzz

Hi and welcome @LadyDandelli. I am not sure your role vis a vis dementia but am pleased you found this place.

IME, care giving assignments often reflect the power dynamic of a family and the roles we play within it. Silent Generation and Boomer POAs often name a son POA in charge of financial responsibilities while the daughter gets healthcare decisions and hands on care. Even where there's a logical option-- like a spouse, it's not unusual for an adult daughter to be leaned on hard for hands on caregiving.

Too often, young adults who are not fully launched into adulthood are drafted by families to assume responsibilities that belong to their parents, aunts and uncles. It's not unusual for a young woman, especially, to be drafted by the older generation in her family to become their parent's primary caregiver. This role almost never includes the POA or any other decision-making powers. This kind of scenario is the very definition of stress.

Often, the rationalization is that the parent is in the higher-earning years of their careers and perhaps catching up on retirement savings while their twenty-something child is finding themselves while working a gig type job at minimal pay. This is especially true when said young person lives at home and isn't fully contributing their share to the household. This arrangement also brings what might be a false sense of security that grandmom is in the safe hands of a family member. From the perspective of the child, having a grandchild step in as caregiver gives them bragging rights that they honored mom's pleas to not "put me in a home", the ease of not vetting outside HHAs and preserved mom's home as a heritable asset at very little cost to them. The cost to the young adult is tremendous-- this is the time for them to be building a life for themselves-- learning career skills, building financial security, making relationships, etc.

1 Star

Do not recommend.

HB

Emily 123

Absolutley agree with you both. There's a huge knowledge gap around both how the disease affects much more than memory and what that means for a caregiver.