Obsessions

kgorlick

Hey dear people, again, new to this and can't imagine this journey that I'm on and how long it will last without losing my mind... I'm not being disrespectful, it's just where else can I voice my frustrations and worries~ so my DH seems to find a topic (finances, an old worry, etc.) and fret for hours on end, going into days on end, about it until for some reason I can get him to believe me when I tell him the reality such as "we are fine with our finances" and show him on paper, over and over. Then it finally clicks and he believes me and I feel so relieved. The next day out of nowhere, he is stressing over yet another thing that he hasn't thought about for months and now he's back on that train... he moans and groans out loud, his anxiety goes off the charts and I just don't know what to do for him. He's on so many meds for anxiety and nothing is helping. Any thoughts or advice? I'm so sad...so alone...

Cecil Jones

I'm sure others have been where you are and will reply. I don't have that problem but do know something about being sad and alone. It sounds like you need some respite. Is there an adult day care or a family member than can give you a little alone time? Day after day after day...we all have a breaking point. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help.

M1

This is so tough to listen to. I think if you can just listen and stop "trying to make him believe you" you might do better. There's no reasoning with a PWD, it's a loop you can't stop with reason. Noncommittal answers are probably best---"hmm yes we'll have to check that out," or "I'm looking into it and will let you know as soon as I know anything."

These days do eventually end; I don't think increased medication is the answer. We have a rental cabin on our farm and my partner obsessed literally every day, day in and day out, about whether our long-time renter had paid his rent. Answering in the affirmative didn't matter and didn't help, there was no stopping it. Now in stage 6 she doesn't even remember that she has a farm. She still obsesses about "where are all my little cats" and whether they've been fed.

CindyBum

Oh dear. I can absolutely relate. My DW has always been an anxious worrier, but now it’s cranked up to an unimaginable level. It is incredibly painful to watch and to know there’s so little I can do about it. Honestly, it’s a huge trigger for me - I want her to be happy and why can’t I fix that?

But that’s the reality — there’s little I can do. Hugs sometimes help. Fiblets sometimes work - “great question about our money, I’ll dig into that and we’ll talk about it later”. A reminder that it’s my job in the marriage sometimes works. Giving her documents to read sometimes works. It’s all a hit or miss.

what isn’t hit or miss is the immediate, deep pain I feel when she’s in an anxiety doom loop.

Thinking of you.

Lkrielow99

I understand the obsession and fretting for hours. I too am lonely and sad and sometimes wonder how can I help make this stage go faster. Yeah, that sounds terrible but it's the sad truth. I can't make him believe things either. How can I make someone believe reality when they don't live in reality? We drove by a Walmart one evening on the way back from dinner and he said "Look at all those lights, they must be having a party". I just agreed. I only try to get him to see reality when it's unsafe for him to believe foolish things. My DH looks at his iPad all day going through his bank accounts. He changes the password so many times and then gets locked out. He drives (no he should not do that and if I could stop it I would) to the bank and asks them to find his money.

This disease is horrible, not just for the PWD but also for the caretaker. I'm at the end also. I know I've not helped, but at least you know you are not alone, although I know you feel that way. DH obsessions with stupid things irritate me. He can't change a light bulb, he can't feed his dog, he can't place his order at a restaurant, he can't change the TV channel or even know when the AC goes out for days. But, he thinks he can drive and still manage his money. I'm alone here wishing the worse for him, and that sucks. He is stubborn and too proud.

All I can say is to keep posting. Your posting helps me understand I am not facing this alone. Take care, even when I know that's easier said than done. Please keep posting.

Iris L.

Instead of thinking that your DH is stubborn and too proud, think of him as having anosognosia. He has no awareness of having dementia, along with having no awareness of safety issues or how to change a light bulb or how to use a TV remote. Or how to drive in traffic safely. This is the disease.

Iris

kgorlick

I truly appreciate all of the feedback and insights. I am grateful that he decided to stop driving and I didn’t have to deal with that. It’s so sad for all of the families going through this and for the loved ones that are diagnosed with this horrible disease. My heart goes out to all of you as well and I truly appreciate, your kind and helpful words…

Sozokero

Thank you for this post. This is my first time commenting. My mother has Alz and my stepfather who was her main caregiver recently passed away. As we're figuring out what is next for my mother we have been taking turns caring for her. She has always been obsessed with her finances. 5 years ago when she was first diagnosed, she asked me to set up auto pay on everyone. But today she's on overdrive obsessing with her finances, which is understandable, but ad nauseam. I stupidly tried to reason with her, which I should know better by this point. But coming on here and hearing how you respond to your PWD helps. The next time she asks, I will respond with, "good question, I'll have to look into that" or somewhere along those lines. It helps to know we're not alone. Thank you.

Dutiful One

Obsessing, fixating, perseveration.... it's all common. My husband been worrying about things that don't have anything to do with him, and fixating on things that can't be changed. His loss of filters combined with his character trait of needing to "fix" everything has created a recipe for excessive worrying. It is very difficult to listen to the negativity on a repeating loop.

michiganpat

I so hear you. My DH also obsesses about everything. I have learned (slowly) that trying to reason with him gets me nowhere. For months he wanted me to get the dirt on our dirt road tested as he thought it was poisoning our dog. He put some in a pail in the garage to be tested. There's nothing wrong with our dog. I tried telling him if it was poison there would be dead animals laying all around. No go. I finally said I would test it as soon as I could find out where to take it. He would bring it up every so often and eventually forgot about it. I threw the dirt out. His big thing now is a cough. He did have a bad cough a while back which I got a prescription for. I haven't heard him cough for weeks but he keeps saying "how long is this cough going to last?" He keeps taking cough drops but I am going to tell him the cough drops can cause a rebound cough so he needs to stop taking them. Hope that works. It really does help to know we are not alone in our feelings. No one can understand unless they have lived it.