New fast progressing signs of Dementia

dpanameno

Hi new here and in search of helpful feedback.
My 85 year old dad has not been officially diagnosed with dementia yet but his pcp and er doctors all agree that he is showing all signs of being that.
His behavior has changed so rapidly. He started with spying on all of us, my mom, my boyfriend and myself. We thought it was just a weird behavior, aside from forgetting things quickly and not knowing day we were in or time of day. Fast fwd, he started accusing my mom of cheating on him, with my boyfriend 🤦‍♀️ and says I allow it. Its been so hard on my mom. She is constantly having anxiety attacks because he's always watching her and following her everywhere. If she's out of sight, he starts thinking she's with my boyfriend somewhere. His comments have become so offensive, we don't have a peace of mind. Things escalated when he recently entered my room, went through our drawers and got my boyfriend's gun. He has gain so much hate towards him because of what he believes is going on. That night he had all intentions of using that gun, he started making comments about killing someone. Thankfully I paid attention and took it from him..took him to the er the next morning...
He is stuck in his reality and idk what to do anymore. We are constantly worried about our safety and his. My mom's health is not getting better because of all this, my nerves are always on edge and my relationship with my boyfriend hasn't been the same. We are constantly arguing about what's going on. Its hard on all of us. Idk what else to do or how to help him. How to make him understand perhaps that he's not well. Any advise is greatly appreciated.

SusanB-dil

Whew - a lot going on, there. Welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason. First, any weapon needs to be locked away from him.

You will not be able to convince him that he isn't well. Do not try, it will only agitate him. Anosognosia means that in his reality, there is nothing wrong.

When he threatens any of you, you have a very real reason to call 911. If he gets taken to E.R., he most likely needs a geri-psych evaluation, and to get the right combination of meds to stop this aggression. And unfortunately, paranoia is not uncommon with dementia.

Does your mom have DPOA and hippa accesses? This is important.

Edit to add - you can also call the alz line at any time. Ask for a care consultant.

M1

welcome to the forum. These threats are no joke. He is showing signs of psychosis and probably needs to be hospitalized on a geriatric psych ward for diagnosis and stabilization on medication. It's too bad that didn't happen the first time you took him to the ER. Does anyone hold power of attorney for him (POA)? I would get him hospitalized, then talk to a lawyer about applying for emergency guardianship if no one has POA. Medication can definitely help dial down the paranoia and delusions, but probably remains to be seen whether you can safely care for him at home or not.

The sexual nature of the delusions is unfortunately pretty common. Obviously you need to remove all guns, knives, and anything else that could potentially be used as a weapon. But i would take him back to the ER, insist he be admitted, and keep saying over and over that you cannot safely care for him at home in this state. Good luck.

Anonymousjpl123

I am so sorry you are going through this - it definitely does sound beyond stressful! Unfortunately it is not unusual for this type of paranoia and for things to escalate quickly. When my mom had to go to the ER, it was really important that I was honest with them about how bad things were (she was pretty paranoid there so it wasn’t so hard). If he is in that state, you really should think about placement - either permanent or temporary - outside of the home. Since he hasn’t been diagnosed, and likely will fight it, I recommend a psych hold. Just be sure all of you say he cannot be at home safely. Mention the incidents. It sounds terrible, but it really is for all of your benefit. It’s an awful disease but it can be easier when your loved one is diagnosed and safe. Then you can be there for him without living in constant stress/fear. Let us know how it goes.

H1235

In my state there is something called a petition for evaluation. If you can’t physically get him to the hospital this form would be filled out (explaining why you fear for your safety and his) and presented a judge. The form is available at the mental health department (they can help fill it out) or at he court house. If the judge believes he is a danger to himself or others he would grant the petition and police would pick him up and bring him to the hospital for evaluation. The key here is he has to be considered a harm to himself or others! If not I wouldn’t expect much help. From there hopefully he would get the help he needs. Without guardianship he would probably still be given the right to deny you access to his medical information. Meaning when you get to the hospital they would not even be able to tell you he was there or where they are bringing him for a psych hold if he didn’t want you to know. I’m not sure what they can tell you if you have DPOA. See a lawyer. The mental health system in this country is a mess. How they can allow someone with mental health issues make hippa decisions is beyond me. I lived through a similar situation and it was a nightmare! Good luck.