Moving MWD To Indiana

mlynai

Hi! My mom who lives in FL was diagnosed with ALZ in June 2023. It has progressed quickly that by December was confusing me with her deceased sister, missing medications, taking the next morning of meds after every nap, forgetting where my brother & I live etc. She lives alone in FL but has a boyfriend who comes over daily to make sure she takes meds, brings her dinner, & sets up her meds. He set up her bills to autopay last year because he noticed she was not paying them. Last month her Dr has advised that she needs continued supervision and needs to make plans for 24/7 care which she replied that she will come live with me when that happens. Her BF can no longer take care of her because he will be spending more time with his family in to NY and has his own heart/health issues. We decided to move her here last week; she came kicking & screaming. She keeps saying she doesn’t have ALZ which is new. She’s always admitted it in the past & all year we’ve had discussions of her coming here & living. She wakes up every other day agitated saying I am doing this for her monthly check, tries calling the police, hits me etc. Question is, will this ever stop? Her wanting to go home, accusing me of wanting her stuff, refusing to eat, take meds, get out of bed. Or will it be the norm outburst any time she’s agitated?

Lynn24

My mother experienced symptoms very similar to your mother’s symptoms, including calling the sheriffs office in her hometown when I took her car keys away from her, to keep her from driving.

She has been with us out of state for almost two years now, and she still says she wants to go home, any time things do not go her way. She is now in mid to late stage dementia.

Good news is, Seroquel has helped with agitation and I have admitted her to Hospice comfort care services a few months ago of which has been a Godsend.

H1235

I would recommend you ask her doctor about medication to help her with the anger. I would not bring it up in front of her. I sent the doctor a message through the healthcare portal. It was difficult for me to be treated badly, but it must be miserable for her to be angry and upset so much. This is the side of dementia I just never expected. Dementia stinks!

mlynai

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/207586#Comment_207586

Thank you! Her appointment here with the neurologist isn’t until October 1sr. They currently have her on Lexapro for depression but it doesn’t seem to help. She cries because she can’t remember me, she cries because she can’t go home, even at how cute the dog is sometimes. I’ll definitely ask about Seroquel.

Emily 123

Hi,

Because she will have trouble processing emotions it will help to keep her as calm as possible. She sounds overwhelmed and you may be able to help steady her emotionally. At this point in the disease there's not a lot of value in forcing her to face a diagnosis which she won't recall. It's not only scary for her each time, but emotional for you as well. Instead of trying to make her understand and recall all that has happened, which she can't do, try finding something she will believe, like she's come for a visit. While she may still look and act like your mom, she's experiencing significant changes in how she can process information. Some of her anger may be fear, some may be caused by how the disease is affecting her. Keep in mind too that as memory fades, the person with AD relies on routine to get them through their day—when familiar surroundings are replaced it's tremendously disorienting, and one type of response may be to 'shelter in place' and not interact in an environment they don't recognize.

The area of the brain first affected by AD controls more than just the short term memory, but the memory loss is the most noticeable thing. Other losses are with processing and interpreting information, using logic and reasoning, being able to do multi-step tasks (like meal preparation or managing hygiene), and being able to initiate and complete tasks (like getting up and dressed).

Your mom won't be able to retain a memory of events for more than a few moments, or a sense where she is on her daily timeline (which is why she wakes up from a nap and thinks she needs to take her meds), and her ability to access older memories will start to be lost. Those memories will drop away in reverse order, so that events of the last year or so might not be accessible to her, but she may recall events from a five years ago and can clearly recall events from even further back in her timeline.

Knowing that, I'd guess that your mom can't recall her diagnosis and won't have the capacity to recognize that she has a problem (anosognosia). To her it seems like she's been living her life in FL, and you've taken it upon yourself to move her to your home. She'll struggle to make sense of why, and what makes sense (to her broken brain) is that you're trying to get her funds. She has no memory of recent years, so your telling her that she has AD seems sudden and suspicious. What works well will be to soothe her-steer away from discussing the real reason why she's with you, which is causing her to meltdown. You'll feel like the fiblets you tell to soothe her are lying at first, but you're doing it to keep her feeling secure and giving her a scenario that she can understand. She's trapped by a disease that limits her understanding, and it sucks. Because her memory and sense of time is not good you can divert conversations that seem to be distressing her. Find a reason she can believe and run with it.

You'll feel very lonely sometimes, but you're not alone…

These helped me:

Understanding the Dementia Experience:  (Select 'Read online' under the yellow icon of the book title)

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Tam Cummings assessment tools/AD checklist

https://tala.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Tam-Cummings-LLC-Handouts.pdf

5 losses:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awBm4S9NwJ0

Stage 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coiZbpyvTNg

Moderate stage changes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cZTgG6kDjs

Careblazers-5 mistakes to avoid:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncKhXQtnyfI

Teepa-multiple videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX

mabelgirl

I moved my mom from VA to FL nearly 10 months ago. Not a day goes by where I don’t hear the same mantra how she wants to go back to VA. I’ve come to recognize that this is generally preceded by her having misplaced something. like this morning, she couldn’t find her deodorant. This triggers a barrage of anger and agitation which includes the accusations of wanting everything she’s got, stealing, lying etc... I have yet to figure out what I can say to calm her. The best I can do is say I understand and let her pout. She doesn’t think there is anything wrong with her and almost always says “.. and I know I am not going senile”. When she was in VA she was very frequently telling everyone she had to get out of her living situation there.  I imagine it’s quite tiring for her and it’s heartbreaking to me to see/hear her repeatedly go through this.  I think what she really means through these tirades is she wants her younger healthier brain back.

CaliforniaGirl-1

It is very hard to hear and very common. But it may not mean what you think. It may be helpful to know that there are lots of PWD who are saying, "I want to go home.", even when they are home in the same place they have lived for decades. Some people, and I am one of them think that "I want to go home." really means I want to go to where I recognize things and I am not frightened and I feel some control and it is more about going back to a place and a time. But sadly even if she went back she would likely feel the same.

You are doing the best you can for your mother, even if she no longer knows that.