Literally the Last Thing I Needed

rosecoloredglasses

Hi everybody, hope you’re all doing well. Bit of backstory to this predicament; my mom (60 diagnosed with ALZ) was a single parent to me (25) and my younger sibling (20). My sibling and I have separate fathers, mine passed when I was 7 and theirs is alive but not active in our lives. He was an abusive man to us and my mother, and bringing him to court for child support was hell. All of the sudden back in like 2021, he decided to start paying $1000 a month in child support after constantly not paying, we think it’s cause it would make my sibling feel like they had to talk to their dad (that did not work lol). He was paying that $1000 a month consistently for the past 3 years and it was a huge relief to our finances. Then the checks started being split up, $500 here, $250 here, weird but he was making the full $1000 so I didn’t care. Then today, after not having any direct contact with him for a decade, he sends us a letter. Talking about how he’s been in an “accident” and injured himself enough to the point of requiring surgery, and how he won’t be able to pay $1000 a month anymore and will only being able pay under $400. I understand he can’t control this, but I am furious and terrified. This letter not only means I’m out around $600 of money I need to keep the house running, but it opens up all of these old trauma wounds that I really did not want to deal with. My mothers disability barely even covers the rent let alone anything else, i’ve applied to SNAP and HEAP multiple times and they keep losing my applications, my spouse is in school and is currently applying to jobs but has not started yet, and I recently got our claim denied by insurance for the CDPAP program so I’m going to be waiting at least an extra month to be getting paid for taking care of my mom. It’s like everything is going wrong and I don’t know what to do. I’m not going to take him back to court to get more money that’s too much of a hassle for the same result, but I don’t know how to approach this. Well most likely get some paperwork from his lawyer outlining the new child support schedule and amount so my mom can just sign that, but she’s going to absolutely freak out over this. I don’t have official POA over her because I couldn’t afford to see a lawyer for it then. So I won’t be able to just sign paperwork for her. How do I explain this to her without making her extremely upset?? Do I even tell her at least until the paperwork is here that she has to sign?? Do I get in contact with him to let him know what’s going on?? Do I tell my sibling that their biological father got in contact with us?? I feel like I’m going crazy with all the stress and it feels like there’s nothing that I can do soon enough. I don’t even know how I’m going to pay my rent for the upcoming month let alone handle a change in child support and all the problems it causes and emotions it bring up. So sorry for the extremely long post, just looking to vent I’m not sure if anyone will have any advice about this but if anyone does or just kind words, it’s extremely appreciated. Much to love to all of you and your families🩵

Anonymousjpl123

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with so much pressure! It is an awful lot. From what you are saying, your mom will have to sign the paper about child support. She may not even know what she is signing.

is there a local agency that could connect you to a sliding scale attorney? I think that POA is your first order of business. It will make everything easier. You will be able to figure out her finances, and better plan yours. I know that there are some programs that pay you to care for your parent. I would also call the Alzheimer’s association and ask to speak to a care specialist. Tell them your situation. They are not volunteers but trained staff who really know their stuff.

You are not alone, I hope you can get some relief soon.