How to Parent a Parent: When They Need Help But Think They Are Fine

nancym97

Hi, all,
My mother has always been a huge extravert. But as her Alzheimer's progresses, she's starting to become more socially isolated and doesn't like meeting new people. She's also kind of "moody" at times and sometimes doesn't even want to talk with her friends.

We're no longer comfortable with her being home by herself 5 days a week (she lives with my brother, who checks on her during the day, but she's alone most of the day). I've found a day program for her to attend for a few hours once a week that's for people with early- to mid-stage Alzheimer's. We toured it together and even though she had not wanted to see it, once she was there, she seemed to think it was a nice place.

But now she is adamant about not going, and I'm wondering how much we can/should push her. She sometimes says she's lonely and misses going to the local senior center. But when I mention this new program, she is adamant about not going because she doesn't want to have to talk to strangers, etc. We also want to have a companion come for a few hours a week. We've had one come off and on, and she wasn't thrilled about that either but kind of got used to it.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice. Does any medication help quell this social anxiety or is it just part of the disease? I'm wondering if we should forget the day program for now, even though that is probably more helpful than a companion (because they do a bunch of different activities and there's more socialization), and have a companion come a few times per week. She has a neurologist appointment next week, so I'm thinking about looping in the doctor re: this situation beforehand. (Talking with doctors about her while she's in the room is fodder for another post!) Thank you in advance for any advice.

Emily 123

It's got to be so hard for someone who's been social to now not be able to meet people and remember them. Doubly tough to have conversations with old friends when you're forgetting the events they're discussing and so you can't participate very well.

Meds would/could definitely help.

( If the old friends want to stay in touch there's several you tube videos out there on how to have conversations with PWD—basically you have to modify the conversation so that you're not challenging them to remember. ''Do you remember xxxx'' becomes. ''I recall a trip we made and we did xxxxx'')

You're doing a good job figuring out that you have to work around your person sometimes to help them best. If meds take the edge off of her anxiety it might be worth trying the program again-perhaps getting her in the door initially kind of as a done deal, rather than trying to coax her in, may be the key. Sometimes I'd tell my mom she'd already paid for things 'so we might as well', and that would sometimes work.

nancym97

Thanks, that's a great idea to say that it's a done deal already and it's been paid for. And thanks for the tip about the YT videos sharing tips for how to communicate with PWD. I think most of her friends just think she's forgetful and don't understand the scope of the disease.