Needing to find a home

herbalgoat

First off, why is there no comprehensive place to help caregivers / family when it comes time to find a home for someone with ALZ? Every resource I've found tells me different and conflicting information. It's insane.

Anyway, my mother is now MS, nearing LS faster than we thought. As much as I would prefer to not put her in a home, she's become too much of a liability to herself and to us. But I have NO CLUE how to go about finding a place and then moving her in. Especially when she'd fight us tooth and nail to not be moved.

We live in PA and I don't know what all the laws are for this situation here. We currently do not have PoA for her, it's a work in progress. Consent is an issue in regards to some choices at the moment, she's not always "of sound mind" so how can those decisions be made, y'know? And when she is, she's made it explicitly clear she never wants to go to a home.

Like, what's our path forward? And if she keeps getting violent towards us, then what? This is all just a mess.

harshedbuzz

IME, the closest we came to comprehensive information around legals aspects as well as which local facilities suited different PWD was the Certified Elder Law Attorney we saw. What information are you seeking?

Our CELA explained Medicaid as a potential safety net, explored veteran's benefits and drafted a bullet-proof DPOA that allowed for placement. She also finds herself in different facilities on behalf of clients and knows which ones have been sued/settled out of court.

If you can't get the signed DPOA, you'll need to seek guardianship in PA. My aunt did this for her sister in ME and than MA. It's a fairly straightforward process assuming your mom is middle-stage and her next-of-kin are united in the cause. It's more expensive than getting a DPOA, but if you prevail the cost will be paid by your mom's assets. A friend and his brother (in PA) were able to get emergency and then standard guardianship of their dad despite dad hiring his own counsel and fighting it in the middle stages.

Your Area Agency on Aging may have resources that are helpful. I found the local IRL support group a wealth of local information about MCFs. But at the end of the day, I toured a dozen to find the right fit for dad who was a rather challenging individual; mom's first choice didn't accept him.

Dad didn't want to "be put in a home" either. In fact, he avoided the advice of his CPA and lawyer that might have made the process less costly to my mom thinking it would force her to keep him home. I always remind people who are feeling guilty about not honoring a parent's wish to die in their own home that their parent made a wish instead of a plan that would have made it possible. Safety trumps all in dementia.

HB