In need of support

Erin.Kettelson

Hi all,

I’m new here, and new to supporting someone with dementia. The long and short is, my aunt has dementia. We haven’t been close, and I hadn’t seen or heard from her much in 30 years. I reconnected with her about 1.5 years ago and she was mostly lucid. She was determined to move to Colorado with me and my kids as she had no one in Oregon. I was hesitant because I didn’t have anywhere for her to live, but we’ve been talking pretty frequently. About 2 months ago, I got an email from an attorney in Oregon saying that a third party had petitioned for conservatorship of my aunt. Initially, it all seemed positive, until I found out that it’s a for profit corporation that was going to put her in a facility, and charge her hourly to do so.
My aunt begged me to come get her and I was very clear that she would need to be in a memory care facility, but that she would be in Colorado with family and not strangers.
I flew out to Oregon before thanksgiving, and brought my aunt to Colorado. I got her set up in a memory care facility near my house, bought her furniture, and clothes.
I’ve done everything I can to make her comfortable, I’ve visited, made her food (because she hates the food there), and been financially responsible for her care and wellbeing.
There is still an active case in Oregon attempting to place her guardianship with the for profit organization, and her financial advisor has accused me of kidnapping and fraud and frozen her assets. I don’t want her money, I just want her to be safe and with family, but it’s becoming increasingly contentious. Her “friends” are calling her and telling her that I’m trying to steal her money, and that something nefarious is going on, when all I was trying to do is take care of her.
She called this weekend to tell me that she wants to go back to Oregon and “live her old life as an adult “, and doesn’t believe me when I tell her that she will either be in a facility in Colorado or Oregon, but that she needs help and we want her here instead of with strangers.
I’m so alone and heartbroken at the dismissal of everything that I have tried to do, and the accusations that my behavior isn’t completely above board.
So, I sit with the decision to take her back to Oregon and allow a for profit corporation to take guardianship over her, or tough it out and fight the Oregon court to recognize her need for family. All while she fights me, negates me, and is convinced that she doesn’t need to be in a facility.
I thought that I was doing the right thing, and taking care of family, and I don’t know where to go from here.
I’m sorry this post is so long, I’m just feeling so very lost and alone, and looking for a community that understands. Thank you all, and please know that I recognize you all, though the story may be different, our love and care is the same. 💜

SDianeL

so sorry you are going through this. Unless you have power of attorney you don’t have many options. I would speak to an attorney. You may have to file for guardianship. I would also notify the Oregon Attorney General about the for profit company that is trying to get guardianship.

terei

I would certainly talk to the attorney general in Oregon, but you have no obligation to ‘take her back’ to that state. If she has a ‘financial advisor’, I would advise HIM that he certainly can take over her care. Do you have POA? If not, there is not much you can force her to do, but I certainly would not facilitate moving her at this point. This is a huge legal mess that you may have to walk away from, unless you want to start spending your own money to fight about this.

v3

Once an individual gets on the courts radar you need to play by their rules . Obviously don't know your Aunt's case ,not a lawyer and not in Oregon but I suggest you talk to an elder law attorney familiar with these cases and ask them how to avoid getting tangled up in this . [Not the Atty General].

https://www.courts.oregon.gov/programs/family/guardianship-conservatorship/pages/default.aspx

My understanding is a corp can't be appointed guardian - an individual has to be — but there are professional fiduciaries etc so just because some one runs a business doesn't mean they are bad- what do family-less people do when they need help?

Your Aunt should have an attorney to represent her interests-court should require that . The person seeking to be named will have their attorney - who will be paid for by your Aunt's assets if they succeed. And if adult protective is involved - they have a lawyer too. Plus court charges.

If you aren't going to file a petition seeking to be named I really recommend you have a lawyer to get you out clean and fast . This stuff can drag on for years with everyone and their lawyer literally billing by the hour to talk to each other about everything . You don't want to be a topic they can use to bill your Aunt.

In the meantime, prepare a complete accounting of every cent you touched, moved , spent on your Aunt's behalf. Your attorney can show that to the court .

oregonkris

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I’m surprised that corp in Oregon is getting away with this, Oregon has some of the strictest elder care laws in the country. I know a great elder care firm in Portland if you need a good attorney.
I agree with the advice that you document every penny you’ve spent, both your money and your aunt’s. Can you block these “friends” who are calling and upsetting her?

v3

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/234241#Comment_234241

Blocking may not be a good idea because if you ,Erin, don't hold your Aunt's DPOA or are her guardian etc cutting her off from friends/relatives could be seen as elder abuse - this is Oregon :

https://roydwyer.com/involuntary-seclusion-abandonment-and-neglect/

You really need legal advise .