Bed bound & aggressive -looking for advice


I'm new here and looking for advice. A little background -I help care for my 84 year old father. He has late stage Alzheimer's, bed bound and completely dependent for care. Communication is difficult as his eyesight and hearing are poor and his ability to speak coherently is mostly gone.
We are having a terrible time with diaper changes, every time. He fights constantly, yelling, trying to bite and hit. It takes 2 to 3 people to get him changed. We wait the appropriate amount of time after his 4 medications which are supposed to keep him calm, we explain what we need to do in detail (showing him a new diaper, touching the one he's wearing, asking if we can change him, and he'll say yes). Is anyone else going through this struggle? I can't find any information/guidance on dealing with this type of situation. Outside of diaper changes he is usually well behaved and easy to care for. I never thought I'd have to tell my own father not to bite me.
Comments
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Does your dad have hospice? I'm asking because it sounds like you have a huge burden of care and could use help. Also, I've seen some diapers advertised that are supposed to come off easily for bedbound patients. I don't know ifcthat would help. Could he possibly be managed with an incontinence pad underneath him and clean/change as needed?
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He does have Hospice and Medicaid which are not allowed to overlap shifts. We also have care paid out of pocket, so all combined we have someone for one hour each morning and night. He is on multiple meds from hospice for his behavior and arthritis pain. He wears a diaper, with a disposable pad and then a reusable pad under that. The physical act of cleaning the diaper area is most difficult and has become a 2 to 3 person effort EVERY time. Even with incontinence pads he'd still need to be cleaned. It's frustrating that we can't reason with him , get him to understand, just sit still for 5 minutes and we'd be done. And at the same time feeling bad because I don't know what he thinks is happening that causes him to react the way he does.
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Hello Leadlines.
When my husband was late stage and bed bound he was resistant when changing his disposable brief was needed, Whenever the aides came to visit, I asked them to assist me with the changing the disposable briefs and to teach me tips and tricks to make it easier.
Once my husband was late stage, there was no benefit in trying to reason with him. What helped make the changing process easier was:
-having all supplies within reach for the task at hand,
-distracting my husband by singing silly songs,
-using a draw sheet for lifting and rolling my husband as needed,
-me being calm, light and breezy,
-Praising my husband along the way and afterwards.
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Thank you
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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