When do you decide to place your spouse in a Facility

atoth4815

My husband is only 61. The confusion started 3 years ago. In the last 7 weeks he has decided fast - no longer uses the restroom, does not eat, have to force him. Can stay up for 2 to 3 days with our much sleep (cat naps - 15 to 30 minutes), constantly pacing, has left the house in the middle of the night with no shoes, socks or coat. Thank goodness the police picked him up. Does no hygiene at all, can not shower on his own. So wondering if it wrong of me to be looking into placing him in a Facility. It has to be a Medicaid as we do not have funds for a private Facility.

Quilting brings calm

to answer your question… right about now. Behaviors you list are often the reason for placement. When you can’t keep him safe at home ( the wandering for example) or the care becomes more than you can do. Or when it’s affecting your own mental, emotional or physical health.

midge333

I agree with @Quilting brings calm. His age is irrelevant. Wandering makes him a danger to himself.

sandwichone123

I placed my spouse a week after his 60th birthday. He was not quite as far along as yours, but I was working full-time and realized I had come to a fork in the road. Either I had to quit my job and become a full-time caregiver, or he needed to be placed. I don't think either of us would have been happy sitting around the house all the time, so for me it was a relatively easy (meaning excruciating) decision to place him.

I had found a place that I believed would provide him with excellent care and he would be around people, which he loves. As soon as you think you might have to place him, start looking at facilities. There's no commitment in looking around, but knowledge is power.

CindyBum

I agree with the others that these behaviors mean it's time. I'm so sorry. I dread walking over that bridge to memory care, but know I will likely have to do it as well.

xoxo

cdgbdr

I think you are right to think of this and pursue placement now. Could the doc perhaps order something to aide with sleep and other behaviors. You may want to consider a trip to the hospital if it's unmanageable and place from there.

Cocoandcoop

I read yesterday that the average cost for memory care is $115,000 a year. How can anyone afford that??

Corbh18

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/239137#Comment_239137

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72614/when-do-you-decide-to-place-your-spouse-in-a-facility

You have to do it. It’s hard to come to that decision, but once you do, it’s a big weight off your shoulders. I’m currently in the process of placing my wife in memory care, she is 54. I still work full time and even if I quit my job and stayed home to care for her full time, I don’t think I would be able to manage. It’s so hard to watch her wander around the house endlessly with no purpose. Luckily, we have a very nice assisted living facility with memory care that is only a mile from our home.

atoth4815

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/239137#Comment_239137

I can't, so I have to get him Medicaid. Facilities that take Medicaid are not that great. 😞

Carl46

Sometimes the symptoms you describe can be due to physical illness such as constipation or urinary tract infection. These are relatively minor illnesses, easily treated, but they can throw a PWD for a loop. In your shoes I would talk to his doctor and get him checked out. If he has nothing treatable, then he certainly needs more care than he can receive at home.

Dunc1129

I placed when I became emotionally, physically and spiritually bankrupt. I should have placed earlier, if you are seriously thinking about it, it is time

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/239137#Comment_239137

I can’t, that’s for sure. I’m 68, my husband 81. I have enough money to keep me afloat, but too much to qualify for Medicaid. In addition I’m in a remote area without options of places to place someone. So for some of us, it’s not even an option to place.

Jazzma

As you hear over and over again on this site, please consult a certified elder law attorney. Qualification for Medcaid can be complicated, but there are also routes that you might not expect. And of course make sure you have durable power of attorney for financial and health care decisions. This is a very hard situation that came on fast. I'm so sorry it is happening like this. Keep coming back here.