Help and insight

Mayhem224

Hi. I apologize if this seems off or redundant, I’m new to a lot of this. My grandfather has Alzheimer’s. It’s pretty bad. My mom lives with him to help and I’m over as much as I can. But lately he’s aggressive and wants to go home. Stating this is not his home. It’s definitely in the sundowners range because it’s usually around dinner time. And there’s some time shifting going on. Last night, we chanted to go home, he pushed my mom and they both fell through some bifold doors.

My question for now is how to you talk to them when they want to leave? I understand that they don’t do will with confrontation, and we should be sympathetic to what they are feeling in the moment.. but if they’re angrily trying to leave, how do you not argue with them. He can’t understand that he lives here. Eventually he will tire out and we can get him to lay down. It’s not always gone when he gets up. He is already taking rexulti.

Thanks!!!

Quilting brings calm

can you take him for a drive? Sometimes they will recognize home when you return.
however your bigger problem is his aggression. He could seriously hurt someone. Please call the doctor for medication. Have her carry her cell phone and keys at all times and have a locked door she can hide behind if needed.

SDianeL

wanting to go home is caused by anxiety. Home is a feeling not a place. Arguing only causes more anxiety. Create fibs. Tell him that you’ll take him tomorrow. The power is out there tonight. Or the house is having repairs. Then immediately redirect or distract with a treat. Ice cream worked for my DH. Also talk to his doctor about adding additional meds at night to calm him. Your Mom is in danger. He could harm her or worse.

Kat63

The wanting to go home is really hard to deal with for sure. I have found the more calm you/and or your mom is the better. Come up with reasons you can’t go right now but say you can later, such as we can go right after our dinner or as soon as I’m done with the dishes, or after this show is over. Say anything except “this is your home or you are home”. We do not argue with them and they do not believe they are home. Say we will go in a few minutes with a smile. Yes saying it with a smile helps. It also helps to say it with as soft voice as you can. Believe me, I know all this takes practice but eventually it will become second nature on how to handle it. If he is really agitated he may need his medication increased, so mention his behaviors to his doctor. Increased in medication makes it easier to redirect them.

easy23

I used to take my husband for a ride in the car. I would ask him to direct me home and he would do it. That helped sometimes, but not always. He eventually started to leave the house on his own. That is when I placed him in MC.

I would definitely check to see if there is some additional medication that can be given to him.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73087/help-and-insight

Hi,

Welcome. My DH sometimes asks to go home or he tells me that I am not his wife. I recently learned a new word: "Agnosia" and I believe that is what my DH suffers from. His brain is damaged due to Alzheimer's and Vascular dementia. On some level he knows he is home and he knows I am his wife but he just doesn't recognize us.

He also has gotten very aggressive and violent at times. I got his doctor to increase the dosage on the anti-depressants and prescribe a drug that is supposed to help with agitation. Too soon to tell if it is working.

Just know that these symptoms are common in people who suffer from dementia. Often the person with dementia is uncomfortable, in pain or hungry when they lash out. The first thing I usually do is offer food and drink. If he says no I give it to him anyway and most of the time he consumes it.

It doesn't hurt to ask your LO if they are in pain or where it hurts. As for the sun downing I try to get DH to take a nap.

This is all very hard, I know. I recently picked up a book that has helped me "The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease and Other Dementias (A Johns Hopkins Press Health Book) "