I don’t know what to do!!

Tracy E

My mother will be 70 years old and my sister and I started seeing changes happening with my mom. We thought it was because my our brother passed away at age 38 and threw my mom in a depression. But it’s been four years and my mother‘s behavior is scaring us. She started hearing things seeing things tasting things smelling things., she stopped taking care of herself, my sister moved in with her because she could no longer take care of herself and her home but now she is getting mean, and my mother has never been mean. It’s out of character over reaction, but there are times when she seems perfectly fine and normal. I asked her to go see the doctor, but she did not be honest with him and tell him everything that is going on. I guess my question is how do you go about telling a parent that they can no longer drive or taking control of medication because she’s not doing it correctly? Her blood pressure is a roller coaster and so is her bowels. I was devastated when somebody suggested that it might be dementia and I began to do some research. My mom is paranoid to the point where she turned off her gas to her home and duct tape all her vents. I don’t know where to start because she’s explosive. Can someone please help me!

H1235

Welcome. Are you or your sister attending doctors appointments with her? Do either of you have hipaa rights? I would suggest you or your sister write a not to the doctor explaining all that is happening and ask for testing and a possible referral to a neurologist. You could bring this note in before the appointment so your mom won’t get upset. My mom is not tech savvy, so I set up her patient portal through the doctors office and that worked great. Regardless of what her diagnosis is, it would be a good idea for one of you to have a durable power of attorney. Other legal matters should also be addressed if they haven’t. I would not tell her these things need to be done because of the problems she is having. For most this would not go over very well. People with dementia and sometimes other mental health issues often have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their own symptoms. With that in mind I would just bring up the lawyer and the paperwork as something that is normally addressed as we get older. Do NOT point out her symptoms or deficits. As far as driving goes, if you think she shouldn’t be driving I would suggest disabling the car in some way. Tell her it needs repair vs she is not capable. I know it’s dishonest, but it is what is best for her, don’t feel guilty. She will not be able to accept the truth. Difficulty with finances is another common problem early on. If you or your sister are not managing finances I would strongly recommend you consider taking this on. A DPOA will make this easier.The number one rule with dementia is don’t try to reason with them, it will just turn into an argument. There are a few ways to deal with this. Fiblits like I mentioned with the car. If it’s not a safety thing, let it go. Agree with her, then do what needs to be done without her knowing. Change the subject or distract her somehow. If it is dementia there is medication that can help with anger and depression, unfortunately very few is any options to treat the actual dementia. I have attached a staging tool that might be helpful. Before my mom was diagnosed I had no idea some of the symptoms I had been seeing were dementia. There is also the Alzheimer’s hotline. If other questions pop up ask. We are here for each other. I hope something here helps.

DBAT.pdf