Angery Mother

smtissier

I’m having major problems with my mom. Within the last four weeks if she doesn’t get her way, she will call me names not the nice ones either. I also moved in with her two years ago when she was first diagnosed with dementia she will also tell me that I need to move out. If she’s not getting her way. We have an appointment Tuesday with her primary. I’m thinking she needs to be put on something to make her a little more passive and less aggressive. She doesn’t think she needs medication I beg to differ. I know this is gonna be a hard road to tow I wasn’t prepared for the mean side of this disease.  I realize this disease wasn’t on her radar either. I can see how this tears families up.  

She’s a danger to herself and to others. Trying to keep her from driving, but we’re sharing a car for the moment so I can’t even lie to her and say it doesn’t work. She tried to use the stove the other day and must’ve had a paper plate on top and burnt it pretty good. I have sent flipped the breaker for the stove off. I ran into this woman. I know and she’s a social worker at a nursing home and she told me that it’s time to move her into memory care and fill out Medicaid paperwork. Also, start touring facilities and get her on lists.  Some days she doesn’t have her mind together other days she’s better than others.

I’m just at my wits end. I can’t continue going like this. If any of you believe in a higher power at all, please say a prayer for us both.

SDianeL

So sorry you are going through this. Remember it’s the disease talking, not your Mom. Anxiety causes aggression and the PWD takes it out on their primary caregiver. It’s not about her getting her way. She is unable to realize she has dementia and she can’t understand why she can’t do things. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Medication may help the anxiety. You must find a way to not allow her to drive. Hide the keys, park the car somewhere else if you can and tell her it’s in the shop. She’s a danger to herself and others. Or talk to her doctor and tell her the doctor said she can’t drive. I told my DH that his anti anxiety meds were to help his brain & did not tell him that they were to calm him down. Learn to creatively fib to her. I would also start looking into memory care options. There may be waiting lists. If you haven’t done so, read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me. 💜

easy23

I think your mother needs to be put on meds. My DH has behavioral problems and is on risperidone and depakote. They're not 100% effective but they help a lot. If you watch the commercial for Rexulti you'll see that anger is a common symptom of dementia. Risperidone is an antipsychotic, like Rexulti but without the price tag.

Good luck at the doctor's. Let us know how you did.

Colacho10

People often think that memory loss is the worst part of dementia or Alzheimer's, but aggression is a whole different level that a lot of people aren't prepared for. I would advise you to listen to the social worker; they are speaking from experience. The fact that she is a danger to herself is a major sign it's time for more help than one person can provide.

By that, you are doing what is best for both of you. It's a hard choice, and I hope you get your problem sorted out. Prayers to you

Phoenix1966

Aside from the other helpful suggestions, I will add that you need to get your legal paperwork in order if you haven’t done so already. Do you have legal and medical POA(Power of Attorney) for her? If not, now is the time to consult with an elder care attorney about that. If you wait too long, she may no longer be deemed competent to sign anything and you would have to pursue guardianship of her, which can be a lengthy and expensive undertaking, so that you can manage her long term care and finances.

I’m sorry you find yourself here, but we understand.

Pat Coughlin

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73788/angery-mother

My DW’s doctor put her on Zoloft and recently increased the dosage. It seems to be helping, but she has a lot of anger at the moment. If your mom takes other pills, hopefully you can slip it in without her noticing. I know from experience that talking about it helps, even here in writing. You, and everyone in this situation are in my thoughts.